sweaty moments

Bethany was inconsolable from the pain of getting her first shots today

(she screamed whenever she was awake today).

Parker came home sick from work, and I felt helpless to him.

And then I went to pick Abigail up from Mother's Day Out,

and had to sign two accident reports...

she got bit hard by another child, and also fell on the playground and busted her lip open.

oh, and I'm a little delirious from nursing Bethany all night last night.

What a day it was.

As soon as we got home from picking a very grumpy Abigail up at school,

I immediately whipped out the boob for Bethany

because she had screamed the whole drive home.

Bethany would not calm down enough to nurse,

and I was desperately trying to get her to, so that she

would not wake my sick husband who was trying to rest.

And i was feeling like I was neglecting Abigail who

had just had her feelings hurt at school.

Needless to say, I was having what I call a "sweaty moment"...

you know those crazy moments where you just start sweating from the intense stress?

(or maybe you don't and I just have a sweating problem)

It's like its just the mode my body goes into

when I am super stressed and cannot calm myself down.

But my sweet Abigail...oh, my sweet little girl.

She should've been in a worse spot than anyone...

she DID just get bit by a friend AND had a bloody lip.

But instead of continuing to whine for more "baba" like she had been in the car,

she stopped, assessed the "situation" and decided to switch into a different mode.

(yes, I am amazed at this little two-year-old)

She disappeared and came back with"baby's paci" to offer to a still-screaming Bethany.

She patted Bethany's head ever so gently while I tried to console her,

saying "awww Bethy Baby, whaaas wrong Bethy Baby? Youre okay Bethy Baby!"

I was SO struck by her actions.

Her unquestioning calmness definitely outdid my stressful intensity.

It's like she recognized the need for peace in the situation,

and demonstrated that by her actions, and the change of her whole demeanor,

going from whiny and tired, to helpful and concerned.

Wow. If only I could operate better like that in my sweaty moments.

Be able to just stop, breathe, and ask God for grace to get through it.

We went upstairs to check on Daddy and put Abigail down for a nap,

Bethany still screaming the whole time.

When we got up to the bedroom Abigail tripped over something and started screaming herself.

But I took a lesson in peace from my sweet daughter...a lesson i learned just minutes before.

I put both girls on the bed, hugged them, gave them their pacis, and just prayed out loud.

prayed for the Lord's peace and healing to fall on them and bring them security in that moment.

And seriously, they both stopped crying, they both became calm.

and so did I.

I need prayer and peace to be my "go-to" mode...it is much better than sweat.

linking up here today:

being real about this blog

I'm feeling overwhelmed about this blog lately.

overwhelmed in a good way.

I started this blog as a way to process out loud what the Lord is doing,

how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, etc etc.

and like many of you, I have been so blessed by this blog and the friendships and community it has brought me.

but I feel like something is missing.

I feel like there's more to my story, more to God's story in my life, that needs to be shared.

more truth, more vulnerability, more thinking, more "processing out loud".

I feel like I've played it all a little safe, not just with you, but with myself.

I think God is trying to show me that there is more.

Im not saying that I havent been vulnerable, open, whatever on this blog.

But I think I get discouraged sometimes when I think about what the Lord is putting on my heart, or what I am dealing with emotionally, physically, or spiritually

... because I worry

that it may be TOO much to share. too much truth.

or because I fear judgment or rejection, even from close friends and family.

Now, I will clarify these thoughts and say that I have and will always stick to the conviction that if the Lord has not released me to share about something, then I wont.

if it is something that I believe is to remain between me and Him, then it will remain that way.

I dont want to speak out of turn if you will,

because a lot of times that only does more harm than good.

my desire is to bless, to encourage, to relate, to connect.

but also to be real, as the Lord leads.

Being real.

we all say it. we all want it. we all appreciate it.

but do we do it?

I knew a girl growing up who was abused in a horrific way.

I was one of the first people she told about it,

(in a close and safe setting with people who could help.)

The abuse had led to her hurting herself in a way that was becoming obvious to others.

I was young, but I remember being so hurt for her, so upset that this precious friend was suffering so much.

One of the people there asked her what could help her,

what her friends could do to make things better. (as much as we could).

Her answer: "be real with me".

Such a powerful and surprising request at such a young age.

She said that what hurt so much was that she was tired of saying that she was "fine"

if someone asked how she was doing.

because she wasnt fine.

But because noone else was being real and sharing what was really going on in their hearts and lives, she didnt feel like she could be...

and this led to a long battle within herself.

Im not trying to sit here and say that I don't feel like I can share or be real.

or that I haven't been already.

I just think I have held back a little.

I think there's more to my heart than what I've shared so far.

and its not like every day is going to be some deep blog post.

I still get excited to share crafts, fun topics, recipes (hmm, havent done one of those in a while), pictures, etc. and will keep doing that!

But I guess Im just ready to share more from the depths of me.

Like sharing more about the days Im not just "fine"

or about how being a full time mommy is hard for me some days,

or about how marriage is just hard sometimes,

Or about how fat I feel right now post-baby

or about how I fear losing my babies,

and how I am still sad about the one I did lose.

and not just being real about hard stuff...

but good stuff too that I am reluctant to share sometimes.

Like sharing with you how God healed me supernaturally

(through prayer and deliverance)

several times.

or about the supernatural (not of our doing) ways God had provided for us in our times of need.

All amazing testimonies, but things that I get weird about sharing sometimes because I'm afraid people wont understand and will judge.

I want to give up the fear of judgement or concern from others.

I am who I am...which is who HE made.

and why be real?

because it beings freedom for us to live fully as who God made us.

and it brings freedom to others who may need to hear your story.

I want to look back on this blog

(when I hopefully have it printed someday)

and when I give it to our children, as I plan to do...

I want them to see that I walked in who God made me to be,

putting fear aside.

Because I want them to do the same.

I want them to see that Mommy allowed God to speak and to work

on her heart in the midst of joy and also in the midst of hard days.

The title of this blog is "Racing Towards Joy"

(which needs to be a whole other blog post someday)...

because it is my desire to do this "race" with you,

looking towards the Joy set before us, the wholeness that only the Lord can give.

I want to do life with you,

the pretty and the messy.

linking up here to share our hearts.

euphoria

"the state of being elated, full of joy, overly happy":

Euphoria.

such a weird word, I know...

but in the middle of a late night feeding last night,

its the word that came to my mind as

I tried to process how I was feeling in that moment.

I am so in love.

I wrote before about how I was afraid I'd have trouble loving two.

(read that here)

But God has once again stretched my heart.

There's something in me that can put aside the exhaustion,

the sore nipples, the postpartum body pains,

the fear of not doing things "right"...

because I have this love in my heart,

overtaking anything else.

I feel honored that I get to meet the basic need of LOVE

for this brand new little life.

And I am honored that my Heavenly Father feels the same way.

{and I need so badly to remember this}

He feels the same "Euphoria" about me

as I do about her.

He is elated, full of joy and overly happy

to love ME.

how to love two . . .

I can't believe I'm about to be a mommy of two.

Two precious little princesses.

I can't imagine anything better.

But like I shared earlier this week, Im gonna be real honest here...

I have some anxiety.

Not just about how to "manage" two littles day to day.

(though i know that will be a big adjustment!)...

But about how I will love the second

as much as I do the first.

I literally cannot fathom my heart being more full.

It's not that I doubt I will love #2 as much as #1,

but right now,

before I have seen her face and held her tiny body,

I pray and wonder how I can love another, as much as I love the little girl

that I hold every day already.

That snowy Christmas Eve almost 2 years ago,

Abigail graced us with her (very big) presence, and

our hearts BURST

with a love we didn't know we were capable of.

And we literally still talk every night about how

in love with her we are.

She has changed us, opened our capacity for love, opened our hearts.

(number 2 in there, at about 28 weeks)

Does this make sense to anyone?

Did anyone else ever struggle with these thoughts

when they were expecting their next child?

I am telling myself that I also never knew how much I could or would love a child

before Abigail came.

BUT . .

Then it all changed, like I said,

the Lord opened our hearts more than we ever

could have imagined.

So I know that will happen again

with number 2.

and I can't wait for my heart to FILL UP even more.

I mean, wow.

now that, I seriously can't imagine right now.

I do already love her so much, kicking around in my belly each day.

but for now,

My prayer and hope is that when she does arrive,

the love in my heart would feel as though

it's been MULTIPLIED, and not divided.

{I seriously would love yall's thoughts on this,

if you have any to share, or have been there yourself.}

linking up with other hearts being shared,

check them out over here:

this time last year . . .

Wahooo!

{that's what my little says when she's excited about something!}

so WAHOOO it is today . . .

Just wanted to do quick little intro to me and my blog,

for those that may be new, and to my "old" new friends too!

I'm Wahooing because Im linking up with some ah.ma.zing

ladies for Fall Followers Fest!

check it out, especially if you blog....but even if you don't,

you will be able to "meet" lots of new bloggers that you may be drawn to start following!!

for reals, check it out::

I'm Sarah, and I am SO happy to get to know some new friends!

Parker is my precious husband and we

have been through LOTS together,

celebrating 8 years of marriage last summer.

lots of ups and lots of downs.

but BLESSED indeed.

God graced us with our sweet {and spicy} Abigail Joy

on Christmas Eve of 2009.

She is the LIGHT and JOY of our lives.

She keeps the spunk alive for sure. :)

the pic above is from Halloween-time last year...

{btw, my last year's ladybug will reveal her costume for you in a few days....stay tuned!}

This time last year, we lived in a different state,

my husband had a different job,

I was still adjusting {was?} to newmommyhood,

we were dependent on the Lord for ALL

(I mean to. the. penny) our financial provision.

This time last year {actually exactly one year ago today},

we found out we were pregnant with #2

And we found out 3 weeks later that it had gone Home to be with it's Maker.

This time last year,

I didn't know what blogging really was.

Since this time last year,

some things have changed, and some haven't, and I am

grateful for both.

We are still dependent on the Lord to provide for us.

We are adjusting to life in a new state with new friends and no family.

I am still adjusting DAILY to mommyhood.

And now toddlerhood. {yikes!}.

AND we are expecting another little princess,

due 10 weeks from today! {insert "wahooo!}

(thats me at about 28 weeks, and then me and A at the hospital getting the baby monitored,

finding out my bad cramping was due to an infection, but all is ok now. And A held my hand through it all.)

And since this time last year,

I discovered the blessing blogging has been in my life.

I thought it was just going to be a way to "keep the masses" of our family and close friends

up to date with our life.

but it is SO. MUCH. MORE.

{if you are part of this link up, then you probably already know that.}

I do blog to update and inform our family of what's happening.

but I also blog to share what God is sharing with me.

to share life with others.

to be encouraged by others.

to be blessed and to {hopefully} bless.

All that to say...

I hope you will stop by again, and I look forward to meeting you too!

Check out past posts, recent posts, and the buttons on the side over there,

to learn more about my little corner here in blogland.

or shoot me an email and introduce yourself!

I do hope you come back, I am already blessed to know you . . .

for reals. :)

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Oh, and Happy Fall, Y'all!