(reading this back through before I posted it, I realized it's a little jumbled.
I thought about rewriting, but I didn't bc this is just how my heart and mind are right now...
a little jumbled.
SO...here ya go, here's my heart.)
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I am figuring out that the hardest part about grieving, for me,
is that life goes on around you.
No matter how bad I want to just shout to everyone,
life goes on.
Three year old tantrums happen,
bills have to be paid,
clothes have to be washed,
groceries have to be bought,
lunches have to be packed.
None of that stuff changes in the midst of what feels like your world stopping.
And a lot of people, in grief, feel like they want everyone else's world to stop too.
But I think that desire for others to know what we are going through is
just part of the beautiful way God made us...
For our stories and testimonies to be heard.
And that's okay. It's good, actually.
I know some people wonder why I would share such personal stuff here on a blog.
And its true, it IS so very personal...to lose family, to lose a baby.
It's okay to not talk about it, and it's okay TO talk about it.
I feel led to share my journey here with you, (and I so appreciate your support.)
This...it helps me "stop".
It helps me feel like others are "stopping" with me, even if it for just the 5 minutes to read this post.
It is part of my "grief process" if you will.
It is part of my healing.
Like I said, life has to go on around you.
And I am figuring out that while that is really hard at times,
God SUSTAINS me.
And He will for you too, no matter what you are going through.
He will give you the strength to do what is before you
during the middle of hard times.
He is good like that.
The last few days have been pretty terrible.
some of the hardest I've had.
I think the impact of the last 2 months of my life just kindof hit me all at once.
so much loss, so much heartache.
So, yesterday and the day before, I wallowed.
Abigail watched hours of Angelina Ballerina and Dora the last few days,
and I put the girls down earlier than normal because I just needed to be done for the day.
And that's ok.
I needed to "stop".
But yesterday afternoon, and today...
I feel His strength again.
Not like it wasn't there for me before.
But I think the Lord knew I needed a few days to just
STOP AND GRIEVE.
To really feel it all.
I honestly have no idea why exactly I started this post.
I just knew I needed to write today.
And to tell you that if you are feeling like you are going through something
where you just need to stop...and like you want other people around you to just stop...
that's ok.
If you need to blurt to the lady at the coffee shop that you just miscarried,
or tell the grocery store clerk that you are having a bad day,
that's okay.
If you need to have your kid watched by someone else,
or order food in for a few weeks,
that's okay.
But...it's also okay to have good days.
It's okay to have productive days.
It's okay to feel good about yourself.
You aren't forgetting your loved one, or neglecting your hurt heart,
by having a good day in the middle of grief.
that's okay.
Today, I got "dressed" for the first time in over a week.
I even felt a little cute.
I took my husband a coffee at work to bless him,
because he has been pretty neglected in the last few weeks.
It was a good thing, for both of us.
The last few days haven't lent many smiles.
But today I smiled.
and that's okay.
This whole grieving thing is such a journey,
Such a fresh one for me still.
And while the days seem really long right now,
I know He is with me..
and that He will make it all okay.
Thanks for "stopping" with me for a moment today.
It means a lot.
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thankful for hearts being shared here...
