snow, poop, and peace

yep, we got to play in the snow today!

it was a small winter wonderland here in Oklahoma.

These pictures depict a beautiful day,

playing in the snow with my little girl.

However, it's one of those blog posts where the pictures posted

actually make me feel happier than the actual day did.

Just being real.

When it started snowing last night,

I decided I would keep Abigail home from Mother's Day Out today

so we could have a fun time making snow angels and snuggling indoors

watching movies by the fire.

I was so looking forward to it.

But Abigail's little toddler personality had different plans.

Don't get me wrong, we had *some* wonderful snow-filled moments,

but it was a day that had more whines and battles than smiles and snuggles.

if you have mothered a toddler, you know the days Im talking about.

oh and not to mention my little Bethany (5 weeks now)

seemed to have bad gas all day so she was not the happiest camper.

I'm seriously not trying to complain, my life is blessed.

But today was just one of the harder ones in my job as a mom.

When I finally got Abigail down for a

(much-anticipated-by-her-mother) nap,

I tried my best to get Bethany to calm down and sleep as well.

it took a while but she finally did.

During her screaming, I texted Parker and asked him to pray for me.

We do that a lot during the day with each other, when we are needing some intercession.

But right after I texted him,

I realized something.

I was asking Parker to pray for me (out of desperation),

yet i had not even prayed myself, asking the Lord to help me get through the day.

I think since Bethany was born,

I've been trying to do a lot of things in my own strength...simply just for the reason of making it through the day.

Adjusting to life with one baby was difficult for me,

and adjusting to two is even harder.

God really does give me grace, but I just forget to depend on it.

It's there for me to grab every moment of every day.

But sometimes the loudness of toddler tantrums or newborn cries

blocks out the quietness that I can receive from His strength.

The peace.

oh, how I need that peace, All. The. Time.

And when this (very long) day ended with a complete

"poop disaster" as I like to call it,

(all you need to know is lots of cleaning of

toddler, mommy, and clothing was involved)...

I sighed real big and grunted, and I'm sure my face was not loving and happy.

My soul's battle was revealed and it was evident to my precious daughter.

She sat on her little potty, looked up at me,

and said "sowwy mommy, no mad mommy".

my heart broke.

I'm so sad the heaviness in my heart was so evident to her,

to such an innocent little heart who is just struggling with her independence in toddlerhood.

wow, writing this all out is stirring up a lot in me.

But I guess what Im needing to process out loud right now is what I mentioned earlier...

That there is peace for me to walk in,

every. single. day.

And every single moment of every single day.

And i want it to be evident to Abigail.

It's there, it's real, it's powerful.

it surpasses all understanding.

It surpasses toddler fits and newborn fussies.

and even poop disasters.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

linking up here ...

go be blessed. :)

and

being real about this blog

I'm feeling overwhelmed about this blog lately.

overwhelmed in a good way.

I started this blog as a way to process out loud what the Lord is doing,

how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, etc etc.

and like many of you, I have been so blessed by this blog and the friendships and community it has brought me.

but I feel like something is missing.

I feel like there's more to my story, more to God's story in my life, that needs to be shared.

more truth, more vulnerability, more thinking, more "processing out loud".

I feel like I've played it all a little safe, not just with you, but with myself.

I think God is trying to show me that there is more.

Im not saying that I havent been vulnerable, open, whatever on this blog.

But I think I get discouraged sometimes when I think about what the Lord is putting on my heart, or what I am dealing with emotionally, physically, or spiritually

... because I worry

that it may be TOO much to share. too much truth.

or because I fear judgment or rejection, even from close friends and family.

Now, I will clarify these thoughts and say that I have and will always stick to the conviction that if the Lord has not released me to share about something, then I wont.

if it is something that I believe is to remain between me and Him, then it will remain that way.

I dont want to speak out of turn if you will,

because a lot of times that only does more harm than good.

my desire is to bless, to encourage, to relate, to connect.

but also to be real, as the Lord leads.

Being real.

we all say it. we all want it. we all appreciate it.

but do we do it?

I knew a girl growing up who was abused in a horrific way.

I was one of the first people she told about it,

(in a close and safe setting with people who could help.)

The abuse had led to her hurting herself in a way that was becoming obvious to others.

I was young, but I remember being so hurt for her, so upset that this precious friend was suffering so much.

One of the people there asked her what could help her,

what her friends could do to make things better. (as much as we could).

Her answer: "be real with me".

Such a powerful and surprising request at such a young age.

She said that what hurt so much was that she was tired of saying that she was "fine"

if someone asked how she was doing.

because she wasnt fine.

But because noone else was being real and sharing what was really going on in their hearts and lives, she didnt feel like she could be...

and this led to a long battle within herself.

Im not trying to sit here and say that I don't feel like I can share or be real.

or that I haven't been already.

I just think I have held back a little.

I think there's more to my heart than what I've shared so far.

and its not like every day is going to be some deep blog post.

I still get excited to share crafts, fun topics, recipes (hmm, havent done one of those in a while), pictures, etc. and will keep doing that!

But I guess Im just ready to share more from the depths of me.

Like sharing more about the days Im not just "fine"

or about how being a full time mommy is hard for me some days,

or about how marriage is just hard sometimes,

Or about how fat I feel right now post-baby

or about how I fear losing my babies,

and how I am still sad about the one I did lose.

and not just being real about hard stuff...

but good stuff too that I am reluctant to share sometimes.

Like sharing with you how God healed me supernaturally

(through prayer and deliverance)

several times.

or about the supernatural (not of our doing) ways God had provided for us in our times of need.

All amazing testimonies, but things that I get weird about sharing sometimes because I'm afraid people wont understand and will judge.

I want to give up the fear of judgement or concern from others.

I am who I am...which is who HE made.

and why be real?

because it beings freedom for us to live fully as who God made us.

and it brings freedom to others who may need to hear your story.

I want to look back on this blog

(when I hopefully have it printed someday)

and when I give it to our children, as I plan to do...

I want them to see that I walked in who God made me to be,

putting fear aside.

Because I want them to do the same.

I want them to see that Mommy allowed God to speak and to work

on her heart in the midst of joy and also in the midst of hard days.

The title of this blog is "Racing Towards Joy"

(which needs to be a whole other blog post someday)...

because it is my desire to do this "race" with you,

looking towards the Joy set before us, the wholeness that only the Lord can give.

I want to do life with you,

the pretty and the messy.

linking up here to share our hearts.

sister love

o, how I love those two.

Valentine's crafts from April!

Today I am having one of my sweet bloggy friends

share some fun Valentine's crafts with us!!

If you don't know April, check her out here!!

THANKS APRIL!

and yay for Heart Day!!

(PS sorry the spacing is off a little on these pics!)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hello! My name is April and I blog over at Gingerbread.

I'm so excited that Sarah invited me to share

a few of my Valentines Day crafts here today!

I have to admit that Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays,

even as a girl I loved making heart paper valentines and

taping little candies to them.

I love being able to tell those around me how much they mean to me.

It also gives me an opportunity to cover my house with

all things pink and red. Ha!

Here are a few of my favorite Valentine creations:

Pipe Cleaner Trees
These little mini trees are my favorite decoration in the house right now.

Its like having a little pink and red forest at your fingertips!

Swoon!

You will need:

* Pipe cleaners

* Wine cork {cut in half}

* Scissors

1. You will need to cut some of your pipe cleaners in half and some in fourths.

2. Take one of your half size pipe cleaners and make a loop at the top,

this will make your heart on the top of your tree.

3. Take your pipe cleaners that are cut in fourths {the smallest ones}

and start wrapping them around your looped pipe cleaner,

this will be the "trunk" of your tree.

Repeat this with your pieces until half of your tree is full.

4. Then take your half sizes and start wrapping those around the trunk.

5. Poke a hole in your wine cork and stick the bottom of the trunk into the trunk.

6. Bend the top loop of your tree into a heart.

Heart Pipe Cleaner Glasses

My boys thought I was super goofy after we made these glasses

and I wore them around the house.

Don't they know me already?

These are super easy and fun!

1. Make two hearts

2. Connect hearts with small piece of pipe cleaner

3. Cut a long piece of pipe cleaner in half and make two ear pieces

{or whatever the real name for them is} ha!

Can you tell that I have some serious love for pipe cleaners?

They are just so fun and easy for little ones to create with.

Loves.

I hope Valentines Day is sweet for all of you friends!

april

xoxo

"the girl behind the blog" video blog!

ok so here goes!

I'm linking up

today with Ashely and Erin to share our Video Blogs! :)

Just a way to "introduce" myself in a new way to all you bloggy friends!

(FYI i really don't like myself on tape, so be nice, mmmkay?)

ps. for some reason my voice and my mouth are off on the video...

SO frustrating but I cant figure out how to fix it! sorry!.

signing off.

over and out.

Yall have a blessed day!

and go watch more Vlogs here: