snow, poop, and peace

yep, we got to play in the snow today!

it was a small winter wonderland here in Oklahoma.

These pictures depict a beautiful day,

playing in the snow with my little girl.

However, it's one of those blog posts where the pictures posted

actually make me feel happier than the actual day did.

Just being real.

When it started snowing last night,

I decided I would keep Abigail home from Mother's Day Out today

so we could have a fun time making snow angels and snuggling indoors

watching movies by the fire.

I was so looking forward to it.

But Abigail's little toddler personality had different plans.

Don't get me wrong, we had *some* wonderful snow-filled moments,

but it was a day that had more whines and battles than smiles and snuggles.

if you have mothered a toddler, you know the days Im talking about.

oh and not to mention my little Bethany (5 weeks now)

seemed to have bad gas all day so she was not the happiest camper.

I'm seriously not trying to complain, my life is blessed.

But today was just one of the harder ones in my job as a mom.

When I finally got Abigail down for a

(much-anticipated-by-her-mother) nap,

I tried my best to get Bethany to calm down and sleep as well.

it took a while but she finally did.

During her screaming, I texted Parker and asked him to pray for me.

We do that a lot during the day with each other, when we are needing some intercession.

But right after I texted him,

I realized something.

I was asking Parker to pray for me (out of desperation),

yet i had not even prayed myself, asking the Lord to help me get through the day.

I think since Bethany was born,

I've been trying to do a lot of things in my own strength...simply just for the reason of making it through the day.

Adjusting to life with one baby was difficult for me,

and adjusting to two is even harder.

God really does give me grace, but I just forget to depend on it.

It's there for me to grab every moment of every day.

But sometimes the loudness of toddler tantrums or newborn cries

blocks out the quietness that I can receive from His strength.

The peace.

oh, how I need that peace, All. The. Time.

And when this (very long) day ended with a complete

"poop disaster" as I like to call it,

(all you need to know is lots of cleaning of

toddler, mommy, and clothing was involved)...

I sighed real big and grunted, and I'm sure my face was not loving and happy.

My soul's battle was revealed and it was evident to my precious daughter.

She sat on her little potty, looked up at me,

and said "sowwy mommy, no mad mommy".

my heart broke.

I'm so sad the heaviness in my heart was so evident to her,

to such an innocent little heart who is just struggling with her independence in toddlerhood.

wow, writing this all out is stirring up a lot in me.

But I guess what Im needing to process out loud right now is what I mentioned earlier...

That there is peace for me to walk in,

every. single. day.

And every single moment of every single day.

And i want it to be evident to Abigail.

It's there, it's real, it's powerful.

it surpasses all understanding.

It surpasses toddler fits and newborn fussies.

and even poop disasters.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

linking up here ...

go be blessed. :)

and

not in the limelight . . .

Sometimes when I am nursing Bethany at 1:00 AM, at 3:00 AM,

(and so on...)

I think to myself,

"If only people knew how much of myself I give as a mommy."

I really don't need or even want the recognition.

I think it's just a human, fleshly response to desire acknowledgement for

enduring whatever journey or job God has laid before us.

But I don't want to live in that human reaction

to doing what God has put before me to do.

I want to just do it, easy or hard.

and for HIS recognition to be all I need.

and to take pleasure in just doing it.

Don't get me wrong,

i take such JOY in making the daily and nightly

sacrifices I have to make

in my job as a mother.

But the minute I start needing recognition for the job placed before me,

is when I need HIM the most.

HIS love, HIS approval...

things man cannot give.

one of my favorite pieces of poetry was given to me

when I worked as a camp counselor years ago.

I don't remember the whole thing, but the part I remember is the important part.

"You know Lord, how I serve you

with great emotional ferver

in the limelight...

But how would I react, I wonder,

if You pointed to a basin of water

And asked me to wash the callused feet

of a beat and wrinkled old woman.

Day after day,

Month after Month,

In a room where nobody saw

And nobody knew.

whew.

those words have always stuck with me.

how WOULD I react, how DO I react,

when God asks me to do something that noone sees or knows about,

that no other human can acknowledge my work in.

does my pride take over and desire that recognition?

yep, it does... A lot of the time.

I want to tell people of my accomplishment,

of my hard work, of my sacrifice.

And sometimes there is a time and place to do that.

But usually with the hard stuff, it IS in a room

"where nobody sees".

Giving my pride up to the Lord, day by day (and night by night...)

to do what is set before me to do.

for HIS glory, not for my own.

linking up and sharing hearts

Desperate Dependence

{this is a guest post i shared the other day over at

Naptime Diaries...so you may have already read it,

but I felt led to share it again here.}

I gave birth 12 days ago,

to my second baby girl, Bethany.

I love having a brand new little one around again.

There's something so fresh and innocent about newborns

that brings life to my days.

But I totally forgot how needed I would be.

How dependent on me SHE would be.

I was totally slammed with the reality of a little person

being totally dependent on me when I had my first daughter 2 years ago.

It rocked my world.

And somehow I forgot it would be like this all over again.

Don't get me wrong.

I LOVE fulfilling her every need,

responding to her every cry, never putting her down,

feeding her at all hours.

(and this girl eats ALL the time. :) )

It's just that I forgot about the utter dependence of a newborn.

But God has shown me something through her need of me.

My mentor growing up called it

"Daily Desperate Dependence".

This need, this complete reliance on God,

that I MUST HAVE to even survive.

Just like my little baby.

I want to learn this lesson from her...

I want to wake from sleep

(literally and spiritually speaking)

CRYING OUT to Him to come and meet me...

and trusting that He will.

I am thankful for the journey of faith that God has had my little family on

for the last 8 years.

It has been one of desperate dependence...

whether we chose it or not.

Circumstances often required it.

Accounts have been negative, health has declined,

life has been taken, life has been given, changes have occurred.

All things that MADE us desperate

for HIS provision and protection.

And He showed up every. single. time.

Like Bethany is right now,

I desire to be so dependent on my Heavenly Father

that I cannot function daily without Him.

I think part of this dependence comes from remembering

all that He has already done for me.

All the needs He has already met, all the desires He has already fulfilled.

...and to be able to trust Him for even more.

I believe He designed it this way,

He made me His daughter.

He desires to meet my every need.

Because He is GOOD,

and I am desperately needing His goodness in my life,

every. single. day.

linking up for encouragement today over here: