Stuff is Heavy

Two weeks ago we followed a huge moving van with all of our stuff in it to our new town.

It was filled to the brim.

Last weekend we had to go back for more,

filling up an entire U-haul trailer, plus the bed of Parker's truck.

Filled. With. STUFF.

As we drove the u-haul, it was almost just exhausting to feel the weight of the trailer

(because of all the stuff in it)

pulling behind our truck on the highway.

Parker had to drive meticulously to keep it between the lines.

As he drove, he made the comment:

"Stuff is heavy."

whew.

I know, right?

I attempt to be open and honest sharing here on this blog,

so here's the real honest picture of our garage right now.

I know the justifications you { I } might think:

"but its a garage"

"but you've been married for 8 years, you SHOULD have a lot of stuff"

"but thats normal"

"but you might need that someday!"

"but you just moved!"

oh, and this is all our stuff that didn't fit in the house, or needs to be gone through...

I have already had 2 small breakdowns/nasueas moments at the amount

of things we own and don't need.

(seeing it all in boxes really brings it to light)

An 18-month-old baby does not need all that she has.

We don't need more than one rake.

And I don't need 2 crock pots.

I'm not a hoarder, I don't have a shopping addiction.

(in fact, a lot of this stuff has been given to us in our seasons of drought financially)

But I think there's something deep here God is wanting me to see.

Something very deep.

I'm still working through it, but here is a part of what I'm beginning to ponder...

I know this verse can be a little overused and taken in a legalistic manner about spending money, but i want to try and share with you what God is showing me about it:

please keep with me here.

"Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of you heart will also be."

Matthew 6:19

BUT DONT STOP THERE.

two verses down comes the root issue, in my opinion.

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear, Isn't life more than food, and you body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you FAR more valuable

to Him than they are?

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lillies of the field and how they grow...

And if God cares for wildflowers that are here today and gone tomorrow,

he will certainly care for you.

So, don't worry about these things, saying, what shall we eat? what will we wear?

...Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs..."

Matthew 6:25

Believe Him. Trust Him. KNOW that HE will provide for you.

And protect you.

Then maybe we can focus on the life-giving gifts He has given,

and not feel the need to store up STUFF in barns.

Or garages, or closets, or pantrys or whatever it is for you.

I need to breathe in some peace (this picture helps), even after just writing this out.

I want to trust Him like I am more valuable than the bird outside.

I could write for hours about the ways HE has provided and proven His goodness to us,

But I still need to believe Him (DAILY) and not worry, or store up,

out of fear that He won't provide for me

JUST what I need IN the moment that I need it.

Because He will...

He loves me more than the birds.

sharing my heart over here today, check it out:

something's missing.

I've come to the end of what I consider an era...

18 months of breastfeeding my first-born.

I'm a little emotional about it.

(actually a tear just popped out)

"A newborn baby has three demands: the warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence.

Breastfeeding satisfies all three."

-unknown

I understand that not every mother is able to breastfeed their babies

or do it as long as they want to.

I am sensitive to that as a friend, a blogger, a doula, and a mommy.

So what I share here, is just meant to be a pouring out of my own heart and passion about the gift I was given to be able to nurse my little girl,

and the emotion of it now ending.

the preparation: oh, how I tried to "prepare", but no class or book could have prepared me for the struggles, triumphs, and emotions of breastfeeding.

the first time: so worried about the "ever-so-important" latch, I must have called the Lactation Consultant into the room a million times, plus a million calls to my doula.

I remain thankful for the support system around me as I pursued this part

of being a brand new mommy.

the going home: oh man. don't we all know about how its so much easier in the hospital and then when you go home it all seems to just fall apart?

I called my doula a million more times. I went to see an LC again.

But I kept with it. So glad I did.

the ups: I never knew (REALLY knew) what an emotional connection nursing her

would give me.

I also remember thinking I was glad I didn't have to get up 4 times a night and make a bottle.

It has continued to be a source of comfort for her, but also for me.

When she gets hurt or scared, it provides closeness and reassurance.

And when Mama is hurt or scared, it helps me too.

It makes me feel needed and loved,

and I know it makes her feel the same.

the downs: double mastitis at 4 weeks old=terrible.

no sleep...long/many nursing sessions at night,which continued until she was about a year.

my over-supply issues (this can be just as hard to deal with as under-supply issues).

teething: open wounds and lots of pumping (ouch!)

never knowing exactly when (where) she would be ready to nurse.

(but I always carried my Hooter Hider wherever i went)

and now...

the weaning: I always said I wanted it to happen naturally, on her time.

and so it has.

I don't know what switched in her head, but it's like she just grew up and didn't need me overnight (well, thats how I feel anyways) :(

We were already down to just a few feedings at morning and night, but this week she decided other things were more interesting than nursing in the morning.

And then at night.

So I have just gone with it, reading her cues that she's not needing it anymore.

In an effort to keep with it, today when she asked for "nilk" and pointed at her little chest,

I offered her a "baba" instead, but I said it with a lump in my throat.

But I know it's right.

She decided it's time, and I am feeling that too now.

But it's still hard.

When did she get so big?

Wasn't I just figuring out all this breastfeeding business?

(my bitty)

Yesterday was the first full day of no "nilk", sunup to sundown.

I physically and emotionally felt like something was missing.

I cried in Parker's arms last night as I watched her fall asleep on the monitor.

Part of me was secretly hoping that she would wake up and ask for me.

(she didn't)

But the other part of me was proud...

Proud of her for adjusting so quickly and so well, all on her own.

(she IS very strong-willed when she sets her mind to something)

And proud of me for giving her what I consider to be a gift for the last 18 months,

making it through the ups and downs,

and finding an amazing connection out of it.

(not to mention discovering a passion to help other new mommies)

But really...

she is the one that gave me a gift.

head over here today to celebrate one year of sharing bigger picture moments!

Abigail on Good Morning Texas!

(JUST in case you missed it...)

:) hehe

Here is the video of Abigail and I in a segment on Good Morning Texas,

that aired this morning!

It was about infant water safety and teaching our littles to swim at an early age!

(PS if you are a bloggy friend and don't know exactly what we look like:

I am wearing a black halter swimsuit with black and white print on the edges,

and Abigail is wearing a blue swimsuit with green and white ruffles on it!)

Check it out!

and listen to learn a little bit about water safety...

Starting them young and doing it year-round is key!!

just go fishin

I know Abigail is not even a year and a half and her "memory" is still developing,

but I believe that the things we do with our littles are imprinted on their hearts forever, even if they cant "recall" the physical act of it when they are older.

This has been in my heart lately,

especially after I heard a new country song playing on the radio the other day.

It's by Trace Adkins and he talks about taking his little girl fishing

and the fun they're having and the conversations between them.

The main line is about how "she thinks we're just fishin",

but as her Daddy, he knows they are making memories together.

precious memories and precious moments.

So yesterday, as I set up the baby pool for her,

my own memories came flooding back of playing in the baby pool in my parents'

backyard when I was little.

And I couldnt help but think:

"she thinks we're just fishin..."

but in her heart, and in mine,

these were precious moments not to be forgotten.

(arent they all?)

here are a few of the lyrics from his song...

"I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

I say, “Daddy loves you, baby” one more time
She says, “I know. I think I got a bite.”
And all this laughin’, cryin, smilin’ dyin’ here inside’s
What I call, livin’

And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’"

-Trace Adkins

Each day with her is precious,

and I know her heart thinks the same.

So when I feel like I need to be washing clothes, picking up a mess of toys,

planning meals, or whatever it may be...

I want to remember that all she needs and wants to do with me is

just go fishin'.

sharing my heart today over here...

10 things: loving our new home!

I am long overdue for an update....so bear with me as I catch you up just a bit!

I mentioned it the other day in my very quick post,

but I have missed my little blogging world,

and am now catching up on yall's worlds too!

Abigail has loved playing in the empty boxes....

which made for good toys the first few days until I got hers unpacked!

Here are a few things I am loving so far about our new life here in Norman

(in no particular order)...

1. Our street backs up to a little private lake,

which we have walked or run around every day already.

I know its going to be a peaceful place for me to go.

It's even called "Tranquility Lake".

ahhhh.

2. Subway DRIVE THRU!! um, yes please!

I love me some Subway for lunch but never go because its always when punkin is getting sleepy and I don't want to get her all out just to stand in line.

{Lets just say I've had Subway more than normal the last week and a half.}

3. less people here.

A LOT less people. Dallas is so huge and so crowded.

Its already been nice to not feel like you are (literally) one of a million people out on the road when you just want to go to the grocery store.

(I had to include this sweet picture of A helping me put together a bookshelf!)

4. Parker's job is such a blessing.

Though he's having to work a lot right now because it is a transition for him,

its so nice to hear him be happy about the people he works with and how his days go.

(oh, and it takes him about 6 minutes to get to work...door to door.

he went the same distance in Dallas and it took about 30 minutes!)

5. The "Y". Im finding its a hoppin' place here in Norman.

We joined to have a place to work out, but it has a lot of great family activities too.

Abigail and I went to a "Mommy and Me" class this week where we sang songs

and jumped up and down a lot...so fun!

We start swim lessons there next week, and have already been in the pool several times.

Whenever A sees the pool she says "fish?!"

she will learn to be a fishy soon. :)

(Abigail could not believe that she could see dada from our window, she yelled "dada" the whole time he was mowing the front yard!)

6. Colorado Blue Spruce Trees.

We had no idea until we moved in that these little trees were visible from

the big picture windows in the living room and also from our bedroom upstairs.

This is special to us because we felt like it was a gift from the Lord.

If you know us, you know our dream is to live in Colorado someday,

So when we saw them, we felt like the Lord put them there to remind us that

HE KNOWS the desires of our hearts.

And I get to be reminded of that every single morning when I open the curtains.

(oh, and we are literally the only house in the neighborhood with these trees...SO God.)

7. We are loving our new house, and it already feels like home.

(Ill give you a tour soon after its finished being painted!)

I have hung a few pictures but have more work to do for sure.

We have met several neighbors who are all just lovely.

8. One of the biggest blessings is how well Abigail has adjusted.

I appreciate the prayers for that, we felt them!

It took her a few days but I think she has had fun using her curious ways to

explore a new home!

She is lighting up our life and our days as normal...

and is already gaining a new fan base here in Norman. :)

9. Oh, and we have already survived our first bad Oklahoma storm.

It wasn't a tornado, but out of nowhere last night there were 85 mph winds for about 2o minutes ripping through town. Though our cars got a few dings from the hail, we are blessed to not have house damage and to have electricity (a lot of folks still dont have it)

it was CRAZY to hear and watch. a little scary too,

but Abigail and Dada watched the storm together...

10. God is with us.

We feel His purposes and His love with us here.

We felt that in Dallas too, but it is nice to know He brought us here all on His own,

and to feel His presence with us in a new place is so comforting.

We are thankful!

I do have more on my heart to share, but just needed to do a little update on our move and our adjustment...

so visit again soon!

LOVE YALL!!!