sarah elizabeth lowe

I've come to the end of what I consider an era...

18 months of breastfeeding my first-born.

I'm a little emotional about it.

(actually a tear just popped out)

"A newborn baby has three demands: the warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence.

Breastfeeding satisfies all three."

-unknown

I understand that not every mother is able to breastfeed their babies

or do it as long as they want to.

I am sensitive to that as a friend, a blogger, a doula, and a mommy.

So what I share here, is just meant to be a pouring out of my own heart and passion about the gift I was given to be able to nurse my little girl,

and the emotion of it now ending.

the preparation: oh, how I tried to "prepare", but no class or book could have prepared me for the struggles, triumphs, and emotions of breastfeeding.

the first time: so worried about the "ever-so-important" latch, I must have called the Lactation Consultant into the room a million times, plus a million calls to my doula.

I remain thankful for the support system around me as I pursued this part

of being a brand new mommy.

the going home: oh man. don't we all know about how its so much easier in the hospital and then when you go home it all seems to just fall apart?

I called my doula a million more times. I went to see an LC again.

But I kept with it. So glad I did.

the ups: I never knew (REALLY knew) what an emotional connection nursing her

would give me.

I also remember thinking I was glad I didn't have to get up 4 times a night and make a bottle.

It has continued to be a source of comfort for her, but also for me.

When she gets hurt or scared, it provides closeness and reassurance.

And when Mama is hurt or scared, it helps me too.

It makes me feel needed and loved,

and I know it makes her feel the same.

the downs: double mastitis at 4 weeks old=terrible.

no sleep...long/many nursing sessions at night,which continued until she was about a year.

my over-supply issues (this can be just as hard to deal with as under-supply issues).

teething: open wounds and lots of pumping (ouch!)

never knowing exactly when (where) she would be ready to nurse.

(but I always carried my Hooter Hider wherever i went)

and now...

the weaning: I always said I wanted it to happen naturally, on her time.

and so it has.

I don't know what switched in her head, but it's like she just grew up and didn't need me overnight (well, thats how I feel anyways) :(

We were already down to just a few feedings at morning and night, but this week she decided other things were more interesting than nursing in the morning.

And then at night.

So I have just gone with it, reading her cues that she's not needing it anymore.

In an effort to keep with it, today when she asked for "nilk" and pointed at her little chest,

I offered her a "baba" instead, but I said it with a lump in my throat.

But I know it's right.

She decided it's time, and I am feeling that too now.

But it's still hard.

When did she get so big?

Wasn't I just figuring out all this breastfeeding business?