July 11, 2012

making it up the stairs

July 11, 2012/ sarah

Mamas...

In the midst of feeling like you need more grace that you can "muster" in moments with your littles...it is paradigm-shifting to remember that

HE is enough.

HIM. HIS love, His perfect love and grace and favor for us.

Like today, when I was carrying a crying, (way) overtired 6 month old up the stairs to put her down,

following behind my 2 year old as she climbed with us.

Then Abigail jammed her finger into one of the steps and lost it. like, LOST it people.

So here I was, in the middle of my very steep stairwell, two crying babies, now one on each arm, trying to keep everyone from falling,

including myself.

Kissing the flowing finger-jammed tears while shhh-ing my tired infant.

My heart became overwhelmed with how to "do it all" in that quick moment.

How am I supposed to comfort these two crying babies, convince an injured Abigail to keep climbing so we can get up the dangerous stairs, keep Bethany from crying even louder which made Abigail cry even louder...

I wanted to just sit there on the steep stairs and cry myself.

You get the picture. You've been there.

But as I looked at Abigail's big sad eyes, I remembered:

God is with me on these stairs.

God is with my babies on these stairs.

I need HIS strength right now.

It was like a sudden wave of supernatural peace came over me,

encouraging me to make it back up to the top.

And telling me that He was near and close to us.

That HIS ability was all I needed.

And so we did. And both girls immediately stopped crying as we reached the top.

And i can say without a doubt that it was NOT because we were off the stairs.

It was because they too sensed His nearness and His comfort.

It sounds little and silly I know.

But it was just one of those small moments that became a HUGE moment...

all because I recognized His Presence was with me.

I was blessed by a post the other day, and I think you mamas will be too...

Click here to read it.

Just a powerful reminder that we DO have the ability to apply His grace and His gospel and His love to every situation in motherhood.

Even when sometimes the application is just making up the stairs.

June 14, 2012

monotony of motherhood

June 14, 2012/ sarah

I have found myself feeling a little bit in a rut of monotony when it comes to motherhood lately.

And it's honestly hard for me to admit this, especially when I have a husband who does very monotonous, tedious work all day, every day.

But it's a different kind of "monotony" than just working through legal documents.

And it has actually surprised me.

I really never thought I'd feel this way being a "SAHM" (that's "Stay At Home Mom" in case you don't know!).

Especially because I am not the parent who has much "routine" with my littles.

Besides a few planned dance classes or swim lessons, we pretty much just go with the flow around here. So I guess thats why its surprising, because I had no idea it could ever feel like I was being repetitive in my days as a mom.

But here I am...feeling lately like I live the same day over and over.

(Groundhog Day, anyone?)

Maybe it's just the season I'm in with a toddler who throws fits every day and wears me out with her constant "nagging"...and maybe it's that I have a newbie who still nurses round the clock and doesn't do much yet. Or that we watch the same Angelina Ballerina shows every single day, and have the same battles about eating her meals every single day. I don't know.

I just know that I have been feeling the need for a "hiccup" in my days.

So this week, I have tried to mix it up a bit.

{I went to a Zumba class at the Y for the first time ever, and have been three times already this week...it's addicting to shake your booty to Latin music (you should seriously try it if you never have) and it burns a ton of calories too!}

But even in that, in my stepping out to make things a little different in my days, and do something for myself so I don't go crazy....

it's been hard.

Twice now at the gym, the nursery had to come get me because Bethany was crying, interrupting my workout. Last night, because I had to leave Zumba halfway through that day, I went to workout after the girls were in bed...my sweet husband encouraged me to go.

But alas, I was texted halfway through that Abigail was freaking out that I was gone and so I left and came home.

Don't get me wrong people...my babies and my job as a mother are the BEST thing in my life and I don't want to be doing anything different right now.

I love being needed, and being a source of comfort for them.

But I'm just being honest here. (and maybe complaining a little too..sorry!)

I just sometimes crave a little different in my day....a little break from it all.

(Ill take a beach vaca if anyone wants to pay for it)

ONE thing that has helped me...our little neighborhood lake.

fresh air. sunset. breeze (well really WIND, I do live in Oklahoma). open skies.

babies in the stroller, occupied by looking at something other than me.

just being outside.

I need more of this.

And really I need more of Jesus right now too.

(just throwing that out there, ha...clearly I really DO need more of Him and His strength to get me through this season!!)

Anywho...that's where I'm at right now.

Any of you mamas tracking with me here??

Am I the only one that gets in this rut?

Well, I'm off to another day.

But hopefully I will find a way to spice it up a bit...

Maybe a little booty shaking at Zumba will help. :)

May 13, 2012

my heart

May 13, 2012/ sarah

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

elizabeth stone

You have my heart, little princesses...

I'm so honored to be your Mama.

Happy Mother's Day

May 11, 2012

a letter to my {new mommy} self

May 11, 2012/ sarah

Dear Sarah,

First of all, you will not hear that (your own name) for a long time...you will now be referred to as "Abigail's Mommy, Bethany's Mommy, Mama, or Mommy".

But thats okay, because hearing a tiny voice call you Mama for the first time will be the best word you've ever heard.

You WILL get through the sleepless nights. There will be LOTS of them.

Abigail may not "sleep through the night" (whatever that means) until she is 10 months old,

but God will give you energy, I promise.

The colic WILL get better. You won't spend the rest of your life bouncing Abigail on a bouncy ball, or sitting by the running bath with Bethany for 2 hours every night to calm her down. It will actually end right around 3 months.

You can make it, and you will learn what it means to cry out to God while your babies wont stop crying.

Use gas drops from the get-go..they will calm tummies and make the colicky nights a little bit easier.

Get a Boba carrier, it will save you energy and give you the ability to wear baby close to you and still have the use of your hands. And it brings about good snuggles too.

Don't fight Abigail's independent spirit, she just isn't going to be a snuggle bug like you want her to be. Instead, ask God how to nurture that spirit in her...and when you do, she WILL want to be close to you.

And on that note, realize early that Bethany IS a snuggle bug...enjoy every second.

Breastfeeding WILL get easier. Call your lactation consultant friend ALL the time if you need to. It will be worth it to you to not give up.

You may even nurse Abigail for 18 months, and cry when she stops.

Remember that this adjustment to motherhood is ALSO an adjustment for your husband. His life is changing too.

Be patient with him as he learns and adapts to your new life.

Don't forget about him, even though you are now madly in love with a little girl too.

That Mommy and Me group at the hospital you are nervous to try? Go. They will become your greatest support group during the first year of motherhood. Pursue them, you will need them.

Take LOTS of pictures. Back them up. Invest in a great camera - it will be worth every penny.

Don't go overboard on Abigail's birthday party. It'll be fun without all the extra stuff...just celebrate HER.

Breastfeeding will become one of your most favorite things you've ever done.

You will learn how much it means to the baby AND to you.

Be patient with yourself as you try to lose the baby weight. It's not easy, but you WILL wear something other than pajamas someday.

If bed sharing is what works best for you and your family, do it.

Don't feel like you need to leave 4 pages of notes the first time you leave for a night out.

Your mom has obviously watched a baby before.

But if you do...hang onto them as a keepsake to look back and laugh about.

Keep burp cloths everywhere. And pacis too.

Don't ever be afraid to call the doctor about anything. Baby's health is important, even if it turns out you just needed to wash the dried

breast milk out of her ear.

Don't get caught up in the mommy-comparison game. Be you, be the best mom you can be to your babies. They are YOURS for a reason.

This letter could go on and on, but one last thing I will tell you...

Get ready to experience a love you had no idea you were capable of.

These little girls will capture your heart.

Love,

"Mama"

{Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommies and Mommies-t0-be...what an amazing club we belong to!}

- linking up here -

March 07, 2012

to mother His daughter

March 07, 2012/ sarah

I posted this (below) last year, but the Lord brought me back to it today.

I now have a second daughter in the picture,

and I SO desire to teach her and guide her as HIS daughter...

--------------------------------

I have never found as much joy in something as I have in being a mother.

I feel honored and privileged to have a little one. Especially a little girl. I hope for a boy someday too but I love being mommy to a pretty little curly headed baby girl. I love the pink and the flowers. I love the bows and the shoes. I love that she already loves to watch in the mirror as I brush her hair after her bath. And on that note, I love the moment I had with her the other night where she took the comb in her hand and tried to "brush" mommy's hair too...what a special mother daughter moment I cant really explain!

I cannot even comprehend the joys and moments I have waiting ahead to share with my little girl.

Along with all the ribbons and bows of being a girl come the insecurities and doubts that the world and our enemy throw at us as girls, even from such a tender little age.

The Lord is just beginning to scratch the surface with me on this but I am burdened lately to begin the journey of understanding something...that as a mommy I have a responsibility (that I am honored to hold) to show my daughter what a woman is. That its more than just the pretty things. Just writing that statement gives me a little anxiety but also makes me excited. I feel amazed that God would pick me, with all my gunk and wounds and insecurities, to lead a little girl in the way she should go as a person, a girl, a woman, and possibly a wife and mother herself someday. whew.

It makes me nervous for this reason: I have so much still in me, so much to be healed and so much to learn. So much confidence still to gain as a woman. I think though that He is beginning to reveal to me that it is possible to actually be the woman he created me to be, the woman that my heart so longs to be. I'm not there yet by any means, but I know He is allowing me to step into the path that will take me there.

To become the woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the friend, that I truly desire...I must first remember that I myself am a daughter above all else. A daughter of a King. Of a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally and who has treasures and plans for me beyond my wildest imaginations. I am His princess...that's what the daughter of a King is, isn't it?

In all my fear and anxiety about raising my daughter to be a little woman, I must remember that she also is a daughter of a King. Of a Father who loves her more than I can know, which is just unfathomable to me, given how much I love her myself.

I guess the point of all this for me is to declare before you that I feel an urgency to step into the role that God has for me as a woman. I'm not there yet. It will take lots of grace and patience but I have heard Him speak to me that this is the time for me to begin to understand all that He has for me as His daughter. And so then... I will be able to pass this journey of grace and understanding on to my daughter. I want her to know that she can feel secure. That she will always be loved unconditionally and that she is perfect in His sight, and in mine too. When the world begins to judge her, as it surely will, by her ribbons and bows... I want her to know that those things don't matter.

Because she is a daughter who is loved.