in HIS words . . .

/
{HIS words in regards to this post I wrote a few days ago.}


"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us
from God our Father, who created all lights in the Heavens.

He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word.

And we, out of all creation,
became His PRIZED POSSESSION."

James 1:17


Lord, help me remember that because I am
your prized possession,
I can count everything you give to me as GOOD and PERFECT.
...because you have made me worthy of receiving your blessings.



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PS - I am having trouble with my linky tools account,
so if you want to link up today, leave a link in the comments!
(sorry about that yall).
love you guys.

my breakdown last night...

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I'm linking up today over at Call Me Blessed,
even though this post is from a few days ago, I felt like I should share it...
to encourage us to remember where our strength comes from.


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Back for Pictureless Post Sunday Link-Up
(read more about it here...I'd love to have you join!)

heres goes mine...
brutal honesty today people.

Last night, I had a little breakdown.
well, really a big one,
that involved tears and having to pull my car over.
And a little bit of shouting out loud to God.

ever have one of those moments?

I'm still working through what happened,
and I know A LOT of it is my 9-month-pregnant hormones raging.
But I also think the Lord was just needing to take me back to a place of
desperate dependance on HIM and Him alone.

on His strength. on His control.
on His power and His love for me.

I've dealt with quite a few toddler meltdowns this past week,
which is becoming pretty hard being so pregnant and exhausted physically.
and that actually has led me to spiral into worrying about
how I am going to deal with TWO little ones...
a dependent newborn and a spicy toddler, all at once.

Don't get me wrong, I cannot WAIT to have these two precious girls
to care for every moment,
but when I think of how I will do it,
I tend to forget that I DON'T have to do it in my own strength.

and when I really step back,
when I really remember the strength i HAVE received from Him...
I am utterly amazed.

how many nights for how many months did I get up several times to nurse...
and was still functioning the next day?
how many times did I get up with her last winter when she was sick so much...
and still participated in life the next day?
how many days seem SO long as I journey through being a new mommy...
and I still have the JOY and energy that comes from loving her.

All this to say,
I'm glad I broke down,
I'm glad some tears were shed in my car.

They are leading me back (even now as I write)
to remembering that I CANNOT rely on me.
I cannot depend on MY strength.
and really...I don't even want to. I'd live my life in bed if I did that.

So remember today the STRENGTH that comes from the Lord.
Because He loves you and desires FULLNESS of life for you.

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:29-31

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PS...come check out this
link party Im hosting next week!
You WONT want to miss this Holiday Yumminess!

{click here:}
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Pictureless Post Link-Up....I'm just processing.

/
Today I am hosting our second link-up
for "Pictureless Post...Just Write".
I'd love for you to join in if you want!


I'm gonna be honest...
I don't have a ton I feel led to write a whole post about right now.
It's not that there's nothing on my mind.
I think it's actually that there is TOO much swirling around up there
at this moment.

Lots to process,
lots to work through, lots to ask for God's guidance on,
lots to just trust Him with . . .
Figuring out how to best discipline Abigail at such young age.
This has caused me a few tears the last few days.

Working on re-connecting in our marriage.
We feel like a little bit of "us" has been lost since we moved..
because of work schedule, my exhaustion, Abigail's attention needs,
and not having a babysitter to get any alone time.

Asking the Lord for guidance on exactly what He want us for us
as far as fellowship right now.

Hurting for several friends who have experienced miscarriage recently,
and processing the year it's been since mine.

Balancing things I need to get done (around the house) with resting,
and trying to get off my feet more...my pregnant body is getting
pretty uncomfortable and exhausted.

Processing that my life is about to change in 6 1/2 or so weeks,
when I become a mama of 2.
What that will look life, feel like, what it will change.

Trying to listen to the Lord about things I KNOW He wants to
teach me right now,
about abiding in Him, and not living under a spirit of performance
as I go about the responsibilities He has given me.

yeah so, that's where my head is.
{thanks for listening} :)
Maybe He will lead me to write more about some of these things as I process them more.
But it felt good to just get them "out" here anyways.

If there's one thing I do know in this moment,
it's that He is GOOD, and that He will meet me where I am,
even with a million things going on in my head.
Because HE is able to keep up with it all.
Because He's the One who hold it all together.

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Join in and JUST WRITE:
(and feel free to add this button to your blog post!)


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Love you all!!
-S

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loss, healing, and Project Hope . . .

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One year ago today, November 19th,
I woke up from my D&C.
Feeling empty, sad, unable to see God's hand, and too sad to cry.
and I was now having to have to deal with the physical part of it,
because my body would not "pass it".

"pass it"? seriously?
a baby.
like it's a kidney stone or something.

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I am honestly thankful that the Lord spared me the terror of my body going
through what a lot of women go through with a miscarriage.
I never had the bleeding or cramping or seeing what
had been a life in my toilet.
{oh, my heart wrenches at the thought...
and grieves with those of you who have been through that}

Having that surgery was awful too.
If Im keeping it real with you,
the only good part of that entire week was when they gave me the anesthesia.
(hey, just being honest).
Just for one second as I went under, I didn't feel the darkness
that I had felt for the last 9 days.

This week, one year later, has been hard.
Like I've mentioned before...I am always really affected by
annversaries of things,
and my emotions tend to be really in tune with the memories I'm dealing with.
and if you are thinking that I have been harping on this too much this week,
I have no apologies. I'm just being real and sharing my heart.
Loss is not something to just sweep past or "get over".

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but my main struggle after that miscarriage
was trusting and believing that He really did have my best interest at heart.
And trying to not deal with fear of it happening again.

A year ago,
my thoughts were things like:
"He knew! He knew the greatest blessing in my life has been being a mommy,
so why would He take this away from me?
Doesnt He want the desires of my heart to be fulfilled?
He must not."

BUT
in the midst of it, I am looking for, trying to remember,
wanting to recognize,
the redemptive power of my Heavenly Father in this.
Remembering that HE is the author of life and death,
that He had plans for that little one in Heaven and not on Earth.
That He wanted to get to me in a very deep way,
to eventually remind me and show me that He DOES care about my desires,
my heart, my dreams.

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And I'm here to testify that He did remember me.
He remembered my desires.
He met me in the darkness, and pulled me out of those lies.
He is good. He loves me.
He loves my children, and is loving on that little life in Heaven now.
He even gave us another little girl that we will get to meet very soon.
He have me back life.
(and I don't mean just a baby growing inside.)

We can't just muster it up.
I believe that this walk with Him is in NO way about
"pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps".
That is NOT a relationship.
And what the Lord desires with us is RELATIONSHIP.
To have these very conversations with Him,
to listen to His voice, to be real.
He wants to MEET US where we are.

HE LOVES YOU.
He KNOWS your heart's desires.

I've said this before, but again...
I write this with a sincere and sensitive heart,
as many friends and women have losses which are greater,
or long for the day when they will have a baby in their tummy or in their arms.

Several friends have lost babies farther along that I did, or after birth,
and I cannot imagine the pain they still deal with.
To some, the 10 weeks I had a baby in my belly last Fall seems like an eternity.

I have a strong desire to bless those mamas in their darkest hours,
to be the hands and feet of God to them in their sorrow.
and I hope you will join me...

{click on this button to read more}
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Some of you have already heard about this amazing project
by our sweet bloggy friend Laura.

Blessing mamas after they have experienced loss
with a memory box filled with things
to help acknowledge and remember the little life they have just said goodbye to.
This can be POWERFUL.

But if you havent,
if you don't know the precious thought
behind Project Hope...
I hope that you will go read her blog and check it out.
There are lots of ways you can help.

Thanks for listening,
for being there, for encouraging words, for the prayers...
not just for me, for but all those that have experienced loss.
It is a blessing to be reminded
that we have a loving Father
who DOES care about our desires.

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PS dont forget to come back and link up tomorrow
for Pictureless Post...
Id love to have you, and get to know your heart better!

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Pictureless Post Link-Up is back on Sunday!!

/
Several of you joined in last time (thanks!),
and I wanted to remind you that it is back THIS SUNDAY, the 20th!
and every Sunday!!

The point of this link party idea
is to encourage us bloggers to
JUST WRITE.
with no worry or time put into the effort it can be
to take, upload, organize,
edit, and pick the "right" pictures for your blog posts.

JUST WRITE whatever is on your heart or mind to write.
seriously, it doesnt matter.
We just want to hear your heart on "paper".

It might just amaze you how fast it can come out...
uninhibited writing. unedited sharing.
LIFE.


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Grab a button to spread the word,
and add it to your post if you join up on Sunday!!!

Hope to see yall then!!

LOVE YOU ALL...
more than you know!!