what i need today

I need to remember.

that there is freedom, life, grace, purpose.

that there is a time for every season.

that He is my Strength, my All.

that HE is my Plan.

no other plans will work.

that HE creates.

He gives and takes away.

He cares.

I need to remember that He loves me more than I can grasp.

that He will see us through, and meet our every need.

That there is JOY in Him.

Help me remember Lord.

dont push my baby girl!

I want to protect her always, at every moment.

Theres something that happens in your heart when you become a mommy that

creates a need to protect your baby

from all the harms, evils, sadnesses and heartbreaks of the world.

But we have to trust that HE is their ultimate protector.

A few days ago I was watching the tv camera on the eliptical machine

as Abigail played and had a great time in the gym nursery while I worked out.

She loves playing there and meeting new friends every day.

But then I saw a little boy, not too much bigger than her,

push her out of his way for no reason.

My heart broke, but I was proud to see my girl get up and move on to the next thing without being phased at all...I knew I needed to let her learn how to deal with this.

Then it happened a second time when she was looking at the toy next to him.

I was getting angry but knew I shouldn't go intervene just yet, because she was perfectly fine and walked to another part of the room to play with something else.

I told myself that if it happened again I would go in and get her.

About 3 or 4 minutes later, this little boy gets up from what he is playing, walks clear across the room and shoves Abigail hard from behind,

causing her to fall forward.

For no reason.

I was livid. And heartbroken.

Tears streaming down my face at this point, I ripped my headphones off and rushed to the nursery to rescue my baby girl.

When I walked in, the workers had the little boy in time-out,

and Abigail had already found a doll to play with.

I picked her up and loved on her,

telling her I was so sad that she got pushed, and we left.

Abigail was fine.

But not me.

I immediately called Parker just bawling.

So sad that I had seen someone be so mean to my little girl.

SO sad wondering what she must have thought when she got pushed for no reason by someone she just wanted to be friends with.

As I cried, my deeper fears and emotions came out.

Fear and sadness that I cannot protect her from all the hurts she will

no doubt endure in her life.

Fear that I will not always be able to make sure she is treated right by others.

Sadness thinking about her feelings being hurt by girl friends,

or her heart being broken by boys someday.

I want to protect her.

Shield her. Hide her from the evils in this world.

For me, this was about more than just a little boy pushing my little girl.

(and I'm sure I will be on the other end of this someday,

I do realize that kids will be kids and don't always do the right thing)

It was (is) about trusting HIM, HER Father, My Father,

with her heart.

with her emotions, with her body.

That He knows what she needs and what she doesn't need.

That He knows the lessons she must learn, even about the hearts of other people.

That He will protect her when I cannot.

That He loves her more than I do.

I know this will be a lifelong daily surrender for me.

But I am thankful I know she is in His arms.

All the time.

sharing whats on our hearts today over here:

in her Father's arms

Before we moved, when Parker was already working in another state

and coming home on weekends,

he would get home late on Friday nights.

He couldn't ever resist going in and picking up his sleeping baby girl,

to love on her, and to just hold her in his arms.

I snapped this picture one night watching him hold her on the monitor.

This picture speaks to me about the love our Heavenly Father has for us,

and the comfort we can find in His arms.

"I will lie down in peace and sleep,

for you alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

Psalm 4:8

There is something so incredible and comforting of a father's arms and touch.

I wish that physical memory would allow us to recall

what it felt like to be held by our fathers as infants.

It must feel so safe.

Whether we had a physical father around us or not,

I am beyond thankful for the Father who is there,

who is willing to be our Daddy,

our Protector, our Provider, our Security.

I want to REST in that.

I want to "lie in peace, and sleep" knowing that

He ALWAYS has me in His arms.

And I want to always take comfort in knowing that He is that same Father

to Abigail. to my little girl.

That when she needs comforting, she has just as much access to Him as I do.

I pray daily and nightly that she would KNOW that,

that she would know and feel His touch.

A few days ago, Abigail was reaching for her lovie,

while I was reaching to get a bow right next to her,

and she flipped off the diaper table.

She was physically ok, but definitely scared.

(I was too).

God allowed me to catch her head in my hands before it hit the floor.

I don't know how that happened...

its like He just have me the reflexes to catch her in slow motion.

I dropped her off at MDO a little later and

began to work through my own fear that had entered from her fall.

All kinds of lies like "you should've done better",

"what if she had broken her neck?"

"what if she had hit her head?"

It was a battle to trust Him that He had her in His arms at that moment,

and He will at every moment.

I had finally found some peace, when I got a call from her school saying she had fallen on the playground and had hit her head.

just what I needed, I thought to myself.

well, yes it WAS what I needed.

To trust God AGAIN that He HAS her in HIS arms.

that He will protect her,

and that HIS plan for her is best.

She has a huge bruise on her head now, poor baby, but she is ok.

Parker was able to run across the street from his office to love on her after they called,

which was such a blessing.

She woke up last night, very abnormal for her,

crying and scared, like she has before when a sound or something has scared her.

I am convinced that the memory of her falls the day before allowed fear to come into her mind and she was having a bad dream.

I scooped her up and rocked her for a while.

She wouldn't calm, until I began to pray out loud over her,

against fear and for peace and rest.

she immediately relaxed and went to sleep in my arms.

Just as she needed the reassurance of loving, strong arms

to hold her when she is scared or hurt,

we do too.

We need to know DAILY the arms that hold us.

and the arms that hold our children too.

They make us dwell in safety,

Those arms allow us to rest in peace.

"New"

What is this sun the conquers mountains,

singing over what has been asleep?

What is it that softens all my doubting?

It's YOU.

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes,

that have been covered by the hurt of yesterday.

Who could create in me the vision of a little child?

It's YOU.

You take an ordinary day

and turn it into flowers like the month of May,

Yes You do.

You see all my pain,

and cry over it for hours till I'm new again,

Yes You do.

When I have been a victim of familiarity,

when my heart has fallen into sleep,

Healing is the voice that awakens me,

and it is YOU.

You take an ordinary day,

and turn it into flowers like the month of May.

Yes You do.

You see all my pain,

and cry over it for hours till I'm new again,

Yes You do.

You.

You make me NEW....

(Bethany Dillon, "New")

<

the simple things: a rose from daddy

Dada picked a rose from the rosebush outside, and gave it to his girl.

From the way she reacted, I think her heart melted too.

sharing the sweet scent with her sweet daddy...

taking joy in the simple moments today...

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