pregnancy after a miscarriage

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I am beyond thrilled that we have another little baby on the way,
it is TRULY a blessing from God!!
Every day as my tummy grows, I am reminded of God's perfect timing and
purposes for our family,
and how important it is to surrender this little life to Him each day.

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I love being pregnant, it makes me feel beautiful and full of God.
(well, when Im able to see past the naseau and exhaustion)
It makes me feel whole, and I love the dreaming that comes with thinking
about a new little person in the family.

I want to be honest though, and say that it has been a little more difficult with this pregnancy
(I am about 16 weeks now)
to fully trust that everything will be okay.
And that if it's not, that God is still in control and still loves me.

I write this with a sincere and sensitive heart,
as many friends and women out there have losses which are greater,
or long for the day when they will have a baby in their tummy or in their arms.

Several friends have lost babies farther along that I did, or after birth,
and I cannot imagine the pain they still deal with.
To some, the 10 weeks I had a baby in my belly last Fall seems like an eternity.

But I know God's plan for this new baby is perfect.
His plan for Abigail is perfect.
His purposes for the baby that we never knew is perfect.
His plan for YOU is perfect.

(this is me 4 days before Abigail arrived)
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Having this surprise of a new baby on its way was and is a huge lesson for me
in daily dependence on God and His plans.

Last Fall when we got pregnant, I had been on the pill and breastfeeding still, and it was such a shock that we thought "this HAS to be God!"
But it wasn't His plan for that baby to grow and have life here on Earth.

When we found out this time, again I was on the pill and breastfeeding,
so physically, it was a big shock once again.
but it has taken that daily trust to be able to again say
"this HAS to be God"
and actually believe it.

here's what I want to be really honest about.
I still have to work through some of my hurt of FEELING like
"well that must NOT have been God",
after we stared into the still and quiet sonogram last November.

My belief that HE was clearly the one who had orchestrated that pregnancy
took a big blow,
and has allowed fear and unbelief to come in.

{to read more about our angel baby, click here}

Here are a few never-shared pictures that I consider to be a part of that
short pregnancy and life I had inside.
The middle picture is from our trip to Mexico, a week after we found out we were pregnant, and a week before we found out it had gone to Heaven.
That "big sister" shirt is what I had made for Abigail to wear, to tell our parents at dinner.
And that is a picture of Abigail that day we got the bad news..
For some reason this sweet faced picture from that terrible day speaks volumes to me.
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But I know what He's trying to teach me (and using this pregnancy to do it)
is that "Yes, Sarah. that WAS me."
That He WAS there when we found out about that pregnancy.
That He WAS with me when I woke up from the D&C feeling so empty that
I couldn't cry.
That He WAS part of us getting pregnant this time.
That HIS plan and purpose for me and this new baby will be good,
no matter what it is.
Because HE is good.

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the above pictures are a few from this new baby growing...
and my favorite one of all is the one of Abigail on the bottom right.
This deserves a whole post someday soon and I cannot wait to share it with you,
it was truly an act of God.
On our way home from our first sono, where we got to hear the strong heartbeat,
Parker and I were listening and praying to music in the car and turned around to see Abigail with her hands in the air...
worshipping Jesus for the new life He gave.


I am choosing today to depend on His goodness and His plan..
I want to say and recognize at the end of each day, that
"Yes, that WAS God."



read some more amazing women sharing what's on their hearts today.
click here:
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