Amazing Grace

This is a post I didn't think I would have to write. Not so soon any way. I have never written or spoken much about death, although the Lord did speak to me about this topic several years ago. He showed me that I have a perception about death that is not true. So, I then began praying for wisdom and studying what the Scriptures say about death versus my understanding. I saw how death equaled fear and finality to me. I saw an exact opposite theme in the Scriptures for His children. At the time, this "new" knowledge was theoretical and interesting. Something I hoped to share with someone when they needed it. I didn't think that that someone would be me, not for a long time any way. A few short years later, I found this understanding the Lord gave me was one of the few things that kept my head together after the sudden loss of my dad. I also found that knowledge and revelation is one thing, but applying it in a daily real way is a fight, a mental battle. In fact knowledge/revelation and application are two separate issues altogether. Less than a year and half after losing my dad, I find myself still learning how to apply what I know to be true. With each passing day, I learn how to win the battle, but it's still a battle nonetheless.

Today I found out some dreadful news. I received word that my dad's best friend, a man who is a second father to me in many ways, and is my Godfather, Ray "Jack" Hardin may only have 3-6 months to live on this earth. He was diagnosed with cancer 3 months after my dad passed away. He's had some ups and downs, but there was cause for hope. Now it seems the physical battle is getting the better of him. He's opted to forgo more chemo and radiation to have these months with strength versus a few extra months with sickness and no strength. I would chose the same.

Now, I am not saying that a medical diagnosis is gospel. In fact, if you know me and Sarah very well, you know of the healing we've been recipients of, and seen in others. So I know the Lord heals. I have seen it many times. I have also seen Him not heal. I have no idea what the Lord intends for Ray Jack. My hope and my prayers are that Ray Jack will have many more years on this earth. But, having just lived through death of my dad and a miscarriage, I will cherish all moments with him that I get.

Today begins a new battle. One I cannot even define yet. I have few words right now. Here's what I do know. I know Ray Jack loves me. I love him. I know the Lord loves Ray Jack and I know the Lord loves me. I know if the Lord takes Ray Jack soon, I will see him again, but I will miss him greatly. Ray Jack is and has been a strong voice in my life. A very dependable and honest voice. A voice of experience. A loving, caring voice.

I hope to discover how to cherish hours, minutes, and seconds. I hope to see another miraculous healing. If I must, I hope to discover how to say "see you later" to someone on their way to see the Father face to face.

In case you had the same wrong perception of death and ever need to know, here's what He showed me so many years ago. As His children, we don't die. We conquer. Our bodies do die, yes, but the real part of us, the part we love in each other begins to live unhindered. We die in the medical sense, but we die into a life of unspeakable joy. So we actually live. As if that wasn't enough, we are given a new body too. Amazing Grace.