1 year since our loss
/Today it has been a year.
1 year since we found out that the little one growing in my belly
had gone Home to be with it's Maker.
I've shared about this a few times before...
but wanted, well, needed, to share it again today.
I'm the kind of person that is really
emotionally affected by "anniversaries" of things,
good and bad.
Above is the shirt I had made for Abigail (10 months old at the time)
to break the news to our parents that night that we were expecting,
under the disguise that we were celebrating Parker's birthday.
And also a picture of me holding her that night...
It's not the best pic of us, but I'm glad I have it.
{oh, and I gave away that yellow shirt I have on,
it reminded me of what I was wearing when we were told
the life inside wasn't there.}
{a few more sweet pics from that same day, which I am thankful to have}
...especially the precious one of Abigail just looking at me with such sweet, caring eyes...
as if she knew her Mama was hurting inside.
It's been a long year since then,
full of changes.
moving states, changing jobs, getting pregnant again,
basically starting over in lots of ways.
I've also shared a bit about this before,
but I know the Lord has used that loss
to cause me to trust Him even more:
Trust that He is in control.
Trust that He hasn't forgotten the desires of my heart.
Trust that HIS timing is perfect.
Trust that HE is the Author of life and death.
Trust that He is a God of restoration...
even giving us a new baby to look forward to,
5 months after the loss.
(I'm due in 8 weeks with another little girl, Praise the Lord!)
Below is a picture of Abigail sleeping soundly at my mother-in-law's house
the day I had my D&C, 9 days after we found out...
This picture means a lot to me, and did on that day,
to see the comfort and peace that my little girl was experiencing
on a day that was so terrible for me...and to know that
God was taking care of her in the midst of this.
As soon as you find out you are pregnant,
dreams and plans start taking place in your heart.
So when a miscarriage or loss happens,
it takes a lot (at least it did for me)
to fully recognize and trust God with those dreams and desires again.
I'm not perfect, but I'm trying daily to learn to trust Him more.
HE is the only perfect planner, and the only One
who will make the desires of my heart come true, if it is His will.
{these are Abigail's sweet newborn feet}
I'll miss that sweet little life that God had started inside me
as long as I live,
but I know that the purposes God had for him
(I believe in my heart it would have been a boy)
needed to be fulfilled in Heaven instead of here.
...and he's curled up in the biggest, most loving lap right now.
I will always count this day in my heart as important,
and allow myself to feel sad, because it's okay to.
But I am also thankful for all He's done and continues to do in my heart
since November 10th of last year.
Thanks for listening and remembering along with me today.
In honor of this week marking this anniversary for us,
I am happy to be having several guest posts coming up from other special women who have experienced loss...and also experienced God's hand through it.
So please come back to read more, I know you will be blessed.
