some (personal) quotes about grieving

Tomorrow, January 30th, marks 1 year since

losing my Dad

.

It also is the due-date for

the baby we lost in July

.

(i know, crazy.)

I've been reflecting a lot lately on this grieving process, and on how my heart is doing one year out.

And He has been speaking to me a lot about it.

One main thing I am working though is how my heart is so tempted to hang on to heartache.

Where as some people go through loss and initial grief,

and reflect back to say it feels like it was "just a blur" and they don't really remember much,

my mind operates differently.

I remember everything. Every date, time, place, event, conversation, and heartache.

(kind of like how we all know where and what we were doing on Sept 11.

That's how I am/have been with traumatic things in my life)

And while I do realize that part of that is just processing the hurt,

I am also coming to realize it has hindered me from moving on.

Not moving on from the person or the memory, just from the hurt.

In the same regard, and at my family's encouragement, I have to give myself grace to go through it all. 

To feel it all, to process and handle it all.

BUT ALSO TO BE HEALED. To have a whole, fully-operating heart.

My end goal? To remember, to feel, to hold on to the person...

But to be FREE from hurt.

There's a difference between grieving and staying stuck in the pain.

Even though these things, these losses we have been though, have added to me, to build my story...

they DO NOT define me.

I think that's where I have been stuck before, and where a lot of people get stuck while grieving.

They let the heartache and loss define them.

Please,

if you are going through loss, do not let it define you or become your identity.

It will steal from your life.

You have a lot more to give, so much love and life to live...

So my prayers are with you, you who might be hurting today...

I am with you.

HE is with you and can heal your heart.

I promise...He is healing mine.

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I've created some quotes here, that come straight from my own heart and my own journey.

I hope that they will be meaningful...please feel free to share them.

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{ you can read more parts of my STORY in the

"loss & healing"

 section of my blog}

sunshine...finally!

Healthy kiddos and gorgeous weather were so welcome the last few days!
We got to enjoy lots of family time, and pretty much were outdoors all weekend long.
Those are the best kinds of days...
days that make our hearts full!
Lots of bike riding, Hummer driving, sand digging, drinking my coffee outside, and even wearing sandals! YAY!

buuuut....It's back to super cold again this week (silly Oklahoma winter),
so I'm really thankful for the sunshine we had!
Here's to a happy Monday and a good week ahead...

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a few LOL's for the mamas...

To compliment the quick thought I shared yesterday about being a mom,
I DO want to say....
it IS a hard job in the sense that, well, it never ends.
There's no vacation, no weekend, no "day off".
And sometimes no time alone, like at all.
(have YOU ever tried to go to the bathroom with curious little ones in your house? yeah.)
And really, there are just a lot of funny things that go along with this job!

so these all made me laugh.
I think i literally LOL'd a few times.
Enjoy!!
...and have a good weekend another day in the life! :)



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(all of these I found on Pinterest!)

um. I can relate to pretty much all of these.
you?

:)
love to yall!
You are doing a good job, mamas. :)

sickness, honey medicine, staying-at-home, and more coffee.

(yep, all those things :) )

Been having some sick days here,
which basically means lots of snuggles, sippies filled with water and gatorade, new movies on Netflix, long baths, spoonfuls of honey for coughs...
and lots of coffee for mama.

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Sick days are definitely no fun, especially for my little's ages who so badly want and need to be moving constantly but just can't right now.
I think I find the hardest part for me as the mama to be the exhaustion when kids are sick.
When mine are sick they usually don't seep too well, and I am needed to give meds throughout the night.
I separated the girls, put B in her old room, so they wouldn't give it back and forth so badly,
so I spent the night in Abigail's room on night one.
That was a doozy and gave me like 2 hours of sleep. MAYBE. :(
Then the last few nights, I have slept across from them in the guest room.
Just helps to be closer to give medicines, blow noses, or give snuggles in the middle of the night.
But it is oh so tiring!

BUT
It's amazing to me though,
after a bit of time I need to get my bearings, ask for EXTRA patience in my heart, and a cup or three of coffee...God really does give me the strength to do the day.
Staying in cozy clothes and watching shows all day helps too.
But the energy eventually does come.
I even just did a load of laundry and put some dishes away.
haha, oh, the little things, right?

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ok sidenote... :)
Something that has been stirring in my heart for a long time now, and that I think about almost daily,
is that I really cannot complain about this job I have as a stay-at-home mama.

And while YES, it CAN be hard, it doesn't have to be so consumingly-difficult like I have read/heard some moms say. I'm sure I might see things differently if our family grows and we have more children, but for now, God is talking to me about it in this way.

**literally in the middle of this post, my youngest just smacked me in the face because I took away a toothbrush from her. HA. That is NOT fun. But also, it's not that hard. It's all about our hearts and perspectives, I think.**

(I've already started a post on this, that I add to as I think about it.
Hopefully I can share that soon.)

And my thinking is not even a stay-at-home- vs. work-outside-the-home thing,
It's more about the many hats we wear and roles we DO have as mamas and wives and homemakers,
and how it is really a blessing and it really isnt that hard.
Also about how my job IS my job and I need to treat it as such.

woah, lots to say and process!
I keep trying to write about it here, right now, but the words arent ready yet.
I guess "sick days" just make me think about it more. haha
I do, though, look forward to sharing/discussing this 
currently-being-renewed perception of my job and role as mama/housewife.
I think there's a lot to say and think about on the matter!

ok anywho....haha totally got off subject there.
Wait, is there a subject?
Not really.
subject: we are sick.
there ya go. :)

Also, wanted to pass on this little nugget to you mamas.
I tried a new cough medicine this time around, and I swear it has done wonders for their sad little coughs.
It's the Children's Chestal Honey Homeopathic Medicine.
We already give them little spoonfuls of honey to coat their throats when they have coughs,
but this little bottle has TONS of amazing natural stuff in it, that I truly think have cut our sickness down a lot this time! yay!
(i got it at CVS but here it is in case you need to buy some right now!)

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OK well, Im gonna go get back to watching Planes for the second time.
Here's to another cup of coffee and no more sickness!!

Yall have a great day and stay warm...
it's stinking COLD out there!

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oh hey, i have a blog.

(enter the wide-eyed emoji face that I overuse on my iphone, that's the one I use when I am thinking "yikes")

wow. it feels like it's been forever since I sat down and just wrote, just blogged.
like, actually blogged, not just sharing pictures.
which, don't get me wrong, I love sharing pics and it's a great way for family and friends to "see" what's happening in our life if they aren't around in the day-to-day.

It's been a while for a variety of reasons.
These past few months have been CRAY.
As you've seen from the previous picture-filled posts, we celebrated both our girl's birthdays, with Christmas in between...oh, and we threw a NYE party (kids included). oh, and the girls switched to new classes at school. oh, and I'm trying to get into a routine of being healthier. oh, and my hubby's been super busy at work. oh, and we've traveled some.
oh, AND....
you get it.
just LIFE.

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(above pic is me on my first day of half-marathon training...cannot wait to share more about this. 
God is already using it to refine me...physically and mentally!)

but the biggest "oh, and..." is this:

The Lord has recently spoken some things to me, to us as a couple and a family,
about the ORDER of things in our life and in our home, and in everything really.
And part of what He is asking of me is to really weigh the value of and ask His guidance on the things that are before me to do, and then to prioritize them.
I know, so many of us start the new year with a fresh desire to prioritize our days and our lives,
and while the "new year" is part of this for me...it's more than that.
It's that HE spoke it.
HE is leading my hand and my heart to align my days exactly how they need to be.

So all that to say...blogging has obviously not been a priority.
Y'all know me, and you know I love this blog world, this beautiful, crazy, connected, encouraging blog community I have here.
And you know I love to share my life and my heart.
And y'all know I am pretty open when He leads me to be. (you have walked through a lot with me here in these pages of my story).
So you KNOW this is important to me.

It just hasn't been the most important lately.
It hasn't been something that I have been able to fit in without wearing myself out.
And part of this ordering thing God is speaking, is that He is asking me to check myself with those things, those "extras" that take away from the energies He has already allotted to me in that moment,
to do what is before me, in that moment.
Am I making sense?

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(those are my little stinkers sneaking down the stairs together the other night...another thing we've been up to lately is moving our girls together into one room...quite the adventure!)

There's so much to "get in order" that it can feel overwhelming if I let it.
And while the closets, the attic, the shed, my kitchen cabinets, and those kinds of things are definitely on the list (and are already undergoing major organizational changes!!)...
I'm also talking about getting the more important things in order.
My love, my time, my heart, my health.
Learning to serve my husband better with my time, and with my efforts as the keeper of our house.
Learning to spend time playing and just being with my little girls.
Learning to cook well and exercise more.
Learning to plan ahead and prepare so that my time can be managed as best as possible.

I'm not a perfectionist, but sometimes I wish I was because it might be a little easier than having to work at it so much to be more organized.
But I do think it's something I am supposed to learn.
Not perfectionism...just order.

Part of listening to what God has put in my heart
has been getting up earlier than my family to start my day in peace.
I don't make it up every single day, but it is becoming a majority, which is a huge success for this girl who loves her sleep!
Rising before my home is awake is really amazing.
I plan to share more about that this week.
(you may already know about this by my #risetorest Instagram posts)
It truly has been life-changing.
Not to mention, it's just nice to have a cup of coffee or a shower in the quiet, before the chaos starts!


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So all this to say...
Things HAVE to be in order for me right now.
He says in Psalm 37:
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart".
I feel like this applies to me, to my prioritization right now.

Because if I can honor the things, the time, the resources, the tasks that He has put before me each day,
then He WILL allow my heart to be full...
and He WILL allow me special energy and extra time to do the things my heart desires.
Like blogging. :)

I feel like He is wanting me to realize that He CAN and WILL give me this desire.
and the time to make it happen.
And like I said, while it's not the most important thing, blogging is important to me,
this community is important to me, and sharing my story and His heart right here is important to me.
And I know that desire is important to Him too.

I love this little space and I love you guys.
So...you'll see me around, as He leads. :)

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(I'll leave yall with a few pics to "catch up" a bit):

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Can you see her name up at the top?!
She totally surprised me one day while we were practicing letters and just wrote her own name!
Proud mama.

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Me and my now 4-year-old.
She's growing up WAY too fast now.

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Me and my now 2-year-old.
She's also growing up WAY too fast now!!
TIME FLIES!!!!