bikes and scooters = life

The days my be long (and hot), 

and there may be some tear-filled nights during this uncertain and tough season of loss...

but watching the life these two girls have

 gives LIFE to me.

so blessed by a sweet little street and precious neighbors to play with each day.

bikes and scooters and inflatable pools...

it's the little things these days. :)

Hope y'all have a great day and weekend!

another baby born into Heaven...

With great sadness, but also great hope in the knowledge of who our Maker is,
I want to share with you...
Our little family in Heaven just welcomed another precious baby into it's arms.

July 7th, 2013 I began the process of losing our new little one,
and on July 10th, now one of the hardest days of my life,
I "delivered" (I refuse to say passed)
our sweet angel after a physically and emotionally painful labor.
I was only 10 1/2 weeks.

We hadn't told many people yet that we were once again expecting.
We had been thrilled, especially after just losing a baby in March.
I had been cautiously hopeful that this one would turn out differently.

We got to see our precious one (above) at just over 9 weeks,
heard it's heartbeat, and saw it's tiny arms that were forming.
We even saw it roll around a bit and laughed about having another very active child on our hands!
Though some would say it makes it even more painful to have seen the baby before a loss...
I am so, so grateful we did.
It is an image and sound that will remain forever in it's mama's heart.

(this was me already showing at around 9 weeks, on our trip to Idaho)

I may share the details another day, of the short life and loss of our baby,
but for now we would covet your prayers.
Prayers as we grieve yet another loss.
(this is our family's 5th loss in less than a year...both our grandmoms, my dad, and now 2 babies)

At times it just seems TOO much.
So much that I want to cry or yell, but all I can muster is to just be still and quiet.
Maybe that's God's grace, I don't know.
But what I do know is that I am weary.
I am weary from the emotional (and also physical) trauma of all this.
I am weary that it all seems so out of control and unpredictable.
Weary from the anxiety and wondering.
Weary from the sadness.
Weary thinking about the fact I now have 3 babies that I can't hold yet.

(this is at the hospital the day I started miscarrying)

BUT,
in all the weariness, God has shown His love.
Through friends taking me to get pedicures,
through beautiful flowers and gifts arriving at my doorstep,
through precious friends and neighbors bringing meals,
through our moms coming to help and stay,
through lots of cuddles with my girls,
and of course a little wine hasn't been a bad thing.
oh, and I dyed my hair brown.
I just needed to feel different, you know?
new.

Thanks to all who have prayed and continue to pray.

At some point I may share more...
(and sorry to be vague right now)
but as a result of this lost pregnancy, my own health has been affected in some negative ways.
I am having to be monitored closely through bloodwork,
and our prayer is that the Lord would HEAL.
That He would cause all worry to flee and all disease to be hindered.
I believe He can and will.
I DO have hope in the midst of sadness.

a precious friend who has also lost a baby, left me this poem on my doorstep.
it is perfect.

- - - - - - - - - -

I slept securely in the shelter of the womb,
Perfectly protected in my very special room.
Only Jesus knew me, I was yet unborn.
That sorrowful day, your heart was torn.
You were left with only baby things,
I was carried away on angel's wings.
Taken to a far better place,
Secure in the comfort of Jesus' embrace.
babes born in Heaven are bountifully blessed,
for they've only ever known the best.
Their lullabies sweet angels sing,
in the palace nursery of the King.
Here you grow up, but you never grow old.
It's warm and comfy, but never cold.
Heaven's playgrounds are always safe
for even the tiniest waif.

I laugh and I sing and have playmates too.
And JESUS TELLS ME ALL ABOUT YOU.
I've met Great Grandma and Grandpa too,
we're all waiting to welcome you.
Jesus will wipe away every tear,
the purpose for everything will be clear.
There'll be no more death, sadness or pain,
Only joy, contentment, and peace here reign..
Though, for a moment, life seems unfair,
Eternity will be proof of his care.
What you've given up, for which you grieve,
Can't compare to that which you'll recieve.
Your child born and raised in Heaven.
One day, by the Father, you'll be given.

I love you sweet one.
I cannot wait to hold you one day.
love, Mama

a time to roll with it.

Besides just the transition of moving, being out of town for a while, and meeting the constant demands of two littles, and learning to be homeowners again...

Our little family has been dealing with quite a bit of "hard" lately,

and I will share more of that in the days to come.

I feel like there's so much to say, catch up on, talk about, reflect on.

I havent truly "blogged" in a good long while.

Pictures, yes, but actually writing, no.

It's kind of just where the Lord has me right now.

Focusing on other things, prioritizing, learning what is really important in my life and in my days.

How to spend the precious, precious time He has given me.

(not like this blog is not important to me...it IS. it is a huge blessing.)

(yes, my hair is brown now :) )

- - - - - - - - - -

Some days it feels like we can't tell up from down, and are just reaching out of the waters for 

God's rescuing hand.

Some days are better though, where worship music plays and I start to feel and agree with 

His presence.

Friends and family have come around us with support and prayer and love, 

and I am so thankful for that.

Some days in life are meant to just BE.

Really, maybe all days are.

Some days are for crying, some for for laughing....for hosting, for retreating, for dancing, for sitting.

To just roll with what is in front of us, being obedient to those things...

I think that's what He's trying to have me learn in this season.

Because honestly,

we don't have a choice in the matter.

Our days and our plans may not look like what we thought it would.

therefore....

we must just roll.

just go with it.

just trust Him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for everything under the heavens.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to uproot.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build.

A time to weep and a time to laugh.

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

...He has made everything beautiful in it's time.

He has also set eternity in the human heart;

yet noone can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

yes, Lord.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We would covet your prayers during this season, if you feel led.

thank you.

"America Day"

hidden treasure, Ironman race, and adult time = refreshed. (some pics for ya)

we just got back from a beautiful trip...sans kiddos, with friends.
It was amaze. :)

we had originally planned to go because Parker was planning to do the Ironman triathlon there with his two buddies, Sean and Zach. With the crazy season of losing my dad and a baby, we made a really hard decision for him to stop his training to be able to spend more time on family and processing grief. It was a tough decision after he poured months into training...but since we had already bought our tickets, we decided to go still, to make a vacation out of it and to cheer on our friends in the race!

the Ironman race itself was incredible. If you dont know what an Ironman is, it is a triathlon where you
swim 2.4 miles, then bike 112 miles, then run a marathon (26.2 miles). cray. zay.
literally racing for 14 plus hours.
But so SO inspiring to witness. I secretly hope to do one someday. we'll see. :)

We were in Coeur d' Alene. Idaho, which y'all. It is a hidden treasure. GO there!!
We were really close to Spokane, Washington, as well as to the Canadian border, so we went all over, got a new stamp on our passports, and took the most beautiful road trip I've ever taken!

While we def missed our girls so much, it was a huge blessing to spend 7 days of just adult time.
if you parents feel like you are needing to get away to recharge...find a way to do it.
It was a blessing to us AND to our kiddos for us to feel rested and refreshed.
anywho.

here's *a few* pics for ya. :)