some needed beauty...

While the grief of my losing my Dad feels more real today than it has so far..
I needed to lighten things up today around here!

I took these pictures right before my trip home to Dallas when my Dad got sick.
I had planned to post them a month ago, but clearly other things took priority.

So I am excited to share them today...
just a little impromptu attempt at being a "professional" photographer! :)

these beauties bring joy to my heart.
very needed joy.


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gorgeous, right?

Love y'all.

speaking at my Dad's funeral

3 days ago, walking down the aisle into a church filled with people who loved my dad
was the longest, hardest walk I have ever made.
I barely kept it together and had to keep my head down so I would not burst into tears.
I pray that none of you have to make that walk anytime soon, and that those of you who have gone before me, would remember you are not alone.
That walk is a feeling I will never forget.

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But, once I got down that aisle...and felt the sweet presence of the Lord in that place,
we celebrated and remembered the life of my sweet Dad.
Many gathered as we shared stories and testimonies of the amazing man he was.
I have always been proud to be his daughter...
but after that, I am more proud than ever.

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It was a beautiful and meaningful service, honoring to the Lord, and to my Dad.
Exactly what he would have wanted.

(I thought I would share a little about it here, for those family and friends who could not make it, 
and also for you all to know how blessed I feel to have had such a precious memorial for my father.)

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One of the main things talked about and displayed was my Dad's passion and connection to 
Texas A&M University.
Many of you may not know this (and I say it loud and proud now!)...
my Dad was kindof a big deal at A&M. :)

If you have never heard of the 12th Man Foundation, it is the foundation at the school that raises and gives scholarships to students.
My dad started it.
(yep, see...thats a big deal.  And I'm a proud daughter.) 
He was the first executive director of it, and back then, they called it "The Aggie Club".
His passion for A&M was great and affected so many people.
And to put that passion into work, raising money for the school and for students,
is pretty amazing.

It's funny, because several friends I grew up with came up to me after the funeral and said,
"now we understand why you have always loved A&M so much".
It was because of my Dad.

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Legendary football coach, Gene Stallings 
(look him up if you don't know who he is),
was a close friend and '57 classmate of my Dad's. 
He was also the coach at A&M when my dad started The Aggie Club.
They had remained close and respected each other immensely through all these years.

We had the honor of Coach Stallings speaking at the memorial.
He shared about my Dad's passion for the school, the incredible impact he made by starting the scholarship foundation...and most of all, what a good and faithful friend my dad was.
I was so proud to hear him speak of my dad the way he did.

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My Dad's little sister, Nancy also shared about one of the other important aspects of my dad's life...
his time growing up as a rancher's kid in Colorado.
My dad's parents sold a successful business in Dallas, packed up everything, and bought a ranch in the Rockies when my Dad was young.
As my aunt put it...my dad went from being a city slicker to a rancher's kid, overnight.
He milked cows, pasteurized the milk, wrangled horses, built log cabins, and drove cattle.
The ranch is still there, and is now leased out to well known Christian camp, Sky Ranch.
Going there and seeing what my dad built with his own hands 
is something you cannot describe with words.

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My older brother Tim gave incredibly testimony of my Dad's heart towards him as a son.
As a prodigal son.
He likened my Dad to the story in scripture of the Dad waiting with arms open wide,
for his son to return home to him.
That is how my Dad was with my brother, and when he shared that testimony on Saturday...
it made me so proud of both of them.
Tim's words were both convicting and inviting, and were straight from the heart.
It was truly incredible.

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I also had the honor to speak at my Dad's funeral.
I honestly did not think I could do it, but it was truly God's grace and presence there,
that got me through my words.
I wanted to honor my Dad, and speak what I thought he would want heard,
about him and about his faith.

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Here is what I said in honor of my Dad's life...

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Hi, I am Sarah, John’s daughter. 
First of all, I cannot express my gratitude to you all for being here to celebrate my Dad’s life today. Thank you.

As if you didn’t already know, being an Aggie was a huge part of my Dad’s life.  It quickly became a huge part of my own, because my Dad’s enthusiasm about anything Aggie was just infectious.
Literally, I think I was singing β€œHullaballoo” and yelling β€œFarmer’s Fight” by the time I was 3, having no idea what I was saying. But I did it with all my gusto and all my pride…because I wanted to be like my Daddy. I spent almost every birthday growing up at the Bonfire, as it often ended up on my birthday weekend. Dad and I would often travel after Thanksgiving dinner down to College Station for the big TU weekend. I remember sitting on top of my Dad’s shoulders to watch them light the bonfire, thinking I had the best view because my dad was so tall. From a young age, he taught me the war hymn, taught me how to wave my 12th man towel, and that I couldn’t walk on the grass or wear a hat in the MSC. We have sat in the same seats my entire life, and it gives me chills when I sit in them each year, because of the memories I have there. My times at Kyle Field with my dad are some of my fondest memories in my life.

I want to point something out here though, about my Dad.
While all those things at A&M were so important to him, he never once β€œpushed” it on me.  
I simply wanted to do those things, be a part of all that, because it was important to him.

He made it easy to love what he loved, because he was so incredibly genuine about it.  
And to me, that is the theme of his life as a dad and as a man of faith.

I once gave my dad a Father’s Day card that I always think about, and have expressed to him again through the years. 
It read β€œYou make it so easy to know the Father’s love so well, because YOU have loved me so well.”

Like his love for Texas A&M, my Dad’s love for his Lord was just something sweet and infectious to be around. It drew people in, and I believe will continue to draw people to God, even after he is gone.

My dad did a lot for me. 
Things and sacrifices I recognize even more so now that I am a parent myself.

He sat through countless, and I mean countless, dance recitals and competitions, drill team shows, and Friday night football halftimes.  
He had me in a bright orange vest at a very young age, taking me dove and quail hunting each year with our birddogs. 
(and I assure you Ags…that was the ONLY time I was really allowed to wear orange!) 
He drove our family to Colorado many summers to stay at my uncle’s place in Crested Butte, where we made amazing family memories together. 
And he always kissed my mom when he walked in the door from work each evening, 
which I loved so much.

But the greatest thing my dad did for me, was to show me what a relationship with Jesus looked like. 
A real relationship…not a religion. 
Not a have-to-go-to-church, have-to-do-good, have-to-appear-a-certain-way relationship…because that is not really a relationship. 
But what I saw in my dad was the intimate connection he had with his Jesus. 
With his Savior. A trust in a personal God who would not fail him.

My dad appreciated God’s mercy and spoke of it often, recognizing that he would not be who he was without Jesus’s sacrifice for him.
My Dad’s humble posture to the Lord is what drew people to him
And what people recognized at the sweet gentle spirit in my dad…It was Jesus in him.

My heart hurts…truly aches…that my dad wont be sitting in his favorite chair, answering the phone when I call, going to A&M games with me, or holding my little girls in his lap anymore. 
But I am assured that He is experiencing joy indescribable and amazing peace right now as he walks, with perfect, un-parkinson’s, balance with his Lord.

I want to end with this, some precious words my sweet Abigail shared with me during all of this.  Keep in mind she had no idea that her beloved Hop might be going to Heaven soon, and we really didn't know yet either.

One night while Hop was still in the hospital, I asked her to pray with me for Hop, to which she replied, 
β€œWhat’s Jesus saying to Hop right now?”. 
I said β€œI don’t know, what is He saying to Hop?”.  
She paused and thought about it, and then said β€œJesus is saying for Hop to come Home.”. 
That took my breath away, but then I said β€œoh wow, what else is Jesus saying to Hop right now?” Abigail said β€œJesus is saying that God wants Hop to come to His house in Heaven”.

Out of the mouths of babes, right?
 Her little spirit was being prepared, and the words of a three year old have brought me more comfort, knowing without a doubt, that Jesus had been preparing a way for my Dad...
to come Home to His House in Heaven.

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Like I keep saying, the service was incredible. and I think, I KNOW my Dad would be proud.
He would have loved it.
He DID love it...he had the best seat in the house.

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The countless people there astounded us and I was so blown away.
I know the impact and love my Dad had always poured out to others,
but it was amazing to see people whom he had affected, and who loved him, and love us.

My parent's church was absolutely incredible at organizing the whole thing, including the big reception afterwards. We literally did not have to do much at all.
It was a HUGE blessing to our family, and stirred up in me a new desire to serve others better.

The worship and solos were insanely beautiful, 
and it ushered in the presence of the Lord so heavily.

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We put up pictures everywhere for the reception following the service, 
which seemed to be a big hit,
as people looked at and got to know or reminisced on past times with my Dad.
Even some old black and white pics of my Dad growing up...pretty neat.

oh, and don't you worry, we walked out of the church to the playing of the Aggie War Hymn,
It made everyone smile because we knew my Dad would be smiling. 

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The funeral was one of the hardest things I have EVER done. 
ever.
But it was also one of the neatest things I have ever been a part of.
ever.

My Dad was honored, and God was glorified.
And now they sit together in perfect peace and joy.

my Dad is with His Maker...

My sweet Dad moved into the Presence of his Maker yesterday.
We got to be with him in his final breaths, and he was very peaceful when he passed,
such a tremendous blessing.

I am deeply saddened, and have an almost indescribable ache in my heart...but at the same time I am so excited for my Dad right now.
He is free from his Parkinson's, Dementia, and all other sickness that has plagued him. He is FREE from the evils of this world and is walking (with perfect balance, I might add), with his Jesus.

He is getting to hold his son, whom my parents lost 39 years ago, and a sweet grandbaby too, who I miscarried 2 years ago.  What joy for him! And He is with so many other precious souls who loved him. I even imagine there may have been a giant yell practice in Heaven with all the other Aggies who have gone before him.

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{holding sweet Bethany the day she was born}

There is so much on my heart to write about this beautiful, terrible, mysterious process of death and grief...and those words will come soon. But for today, just know that my family appreciates all your prayers and words of comfort during all this. My Dad has left a legacy of loving others well, and it has spread farther and wider than I ever even knew.

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{holding my Abigail when she was born}

I am blown away and so proud to be his daughter.

- - - - - - - - -

many people have asked, so I thought I would share the memorial info here:

Service of Celebration and Thanksgiving for John Hopkins
Saturday, Feb 2nd at 2:00 PM
Grace Bible Church
11306 Inwood Rd, Dallas 75229.

There will not be a viewing or graveside.
My Dad's wishes were for his body to be donated to the Medical School here in Dallas,  for research on Parkinson's Disease and other illnesses. I am proud that even in his death, his heart was to better the lives of others.


several people have asked about donations in memoriam in my Dad's name. 

Memorials may be made to:

Grace Bible Church (my parent's church home)
11306 Inwood Rd
Dallas, TX 75229


or to

(this is where my Dad went to speech therapy for years, it is an incredible organization that helps so many with this terrible disease)
500 North Coit Road Suite 2085
Richardson, TX 75080

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Thank you all SO much.
I am humbled by the love and support.


THANK YOU JESUS...
FOR EVERLASTING LIFE.
FOR JOY INDESCRIBABLE IN YOUR PRESENCE.
FOR A BEAUTIFUL FEAST AT YOUR TABLE.
FOR LOVING MY DAD.

the hardest days of my life.

As you know from my previous posts, from however we keep up....
In the last weeks, my dad's health took a terrible turn and things have been hard.
Obviously blogging has not been on my mind right now, but today, I just needed to escape for a minute...
to write, to share, to "get it out"... even if it's just a little bit at a time.

Some of you already know, but unfortunately my dad's condition did not improve.
After much medical intervention, talks with doctors, time and prayer, his body is letting us know that he is ready to go Home to his Maker.

We brought him back home to my parent's house a week ago with full time Hospice care, where he has been resting comfortably for the most part...much more peaceful at home than in the hospital.
(someday I plan to write a post about Hospice nurses...they are truly angels on Earth. We have been so blown away at their kindness and the way they treat my dad: not as a sick person, but as a man.)

- - - - - - - - - -

Lots of y'all have asked how our family is doing...

These have been the longest, hardest days of my life so far, if I am being really honest.

I don't have to go into much detail to express to you how awful it is to see your own daddy like this.
It has made me feel like a little girl again, just wanting to be right by his side.
I have even napped next to his hospital bed because it is just hard for me to leave.

My mom is so strong (if you know her, you know that), but I see that when he is gone and the house is empty...it is going to be so hard. I am already praying for her heart in that time, and would appreciate y'alls prayers for her too.

Their sweet dog, who loves my dad so much, has made her bed underneath his hospital bed, and she won't leave. Dogs definitely sense when their owner is down. It is so sweet to watch.

My girls have been "displaced" now for over 2 weeks but are doing amazing. I mean really, I am blown away at how well they have handled things. Grace from God, truly.

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how my dad is doing: 

My dad had a rough night last night, and changed markedly just overnight.
The nurses feel that he most likely has a day or two left with us here.
oh my goodness it hurts my stomach just to write that out. I cannot believe this is happening right now.

As much as I am not ready to let go, I am so ready for him to be out of this and to be in FULL freedom and peace. I cannot even imagine. I am excited for him.

as weird as it sounds, it also excites me to know that very soon, my parents bedroom is going to be FILLED with the powerful presence of God. WHEW. I cannot even imagine what that will be like.

I got a glimpse yesterday as I was sitting next to my dad resting.
I suddenly got chills all over and started shaking a little bit. not out of fear, but because there was a true presence with me, and with my Dad in that room.
I know it was the Holy Spirit. I know He is here with my Dad.

- - - - - - - - - -

The overwhelming outpouring of love shown to my dad and my family has blown. me. away.
It has been amazing to hear stories of my dad's life that I never heard, and to meet people he has spoken of from his past that I never really knew.

And every single person that has come, whether they know Jesus themselves or not, has made mention of how much they respected my dad because of his faith in Christ, and how he is such an honorable man. Everyone around him knew what a big deal his Lord was to him.
And not because he was an overly "religious" guy...but because he loved others with the love of Christ.

What a legacy.

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Ok im about to fall apart, so I will stop here.
Please know how loved and cared for we feel, whether you have visited, sent flowers, brought meals, or prayed...we are so appreciative.

You can just continue to pray for peace and comfort for my family, and especially for my dad.
I know that when the hour comes, he will be filled with a joy and peace we cannot understand.

Thank you, Jesus.


my heart is aching...continued prayer needed

I asked y'all last week to please pray.
(you can read that post here, to catch up on whats going on).
And I ask again today for continued prayer.

We have felt the prayers and are so so thankful for family and friends who have come around and loved on us and on my dad, and have been praying for us all.

Just wanted to update y'all.
I will try to just get out the facts before I get overly emotional and cant write this out.

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My dad remains about the same cognitively and physically...
very weak and pretty out of it and confused.
He does have some moments of responding to us and following commands. He even sat up in a chair the other day (with a lot of help) with the physical therapist, though it wore him out completely.

He still battles some agitation and combativeness, especially later in the day...I think he is mostly not aware when he is acting that way, but I think part of it is that he knows he is frustrated and cant express it like he wants to.

Unfortunately, we found out a few days ago that he has contracted Pneumonia. We thought we caught it quickly and it was being treated with antibiotics. But when they repeated a chest ex-ray this morning to check on it, they found another spot in his other lung.
We don't know if he caught it from being in the hospital, or from aspirating on food or saliva, which is very common in Parkinson's patients. Either way, it is not a good thing. For those of you who don't know, my dad is older, 77, and so this kind of sickness is just all the harder for him to fight off.

The major issue right now is that he is not eating. He passed a swallow study to confirm that he could swallow some soft things, but his interest and cognitive awareness to actually be able to eat, is just not there. He has had a nasal feeding tube at times throughout this stay, but is is not doing enough and giving him enough nutrition. I have been begging with God for it to not get to the point of him needing a stomach feeding tube, as that is just not a way to live.

Really, none of this is a way to live. He is not himself. Though I don't think he's really in pain, I think that he is just frustrated with feeling helpless. That kills me. just kills me.

so how you can pray:
1. for complete healing, whatever that looks like.
(my prayer has been for God to give him FULL healing, whether that is here or at home in Heaven...I do not want this life for him, of living undignified and miserable and unable to be himself. I want it to be one extreme or the other)
2. for guidance as we make decisions about his eating and nutrition, and for him to regain strength from this however that works out.
3. for a longer-term plan to just work out, if need be. For peace for my mom as she makes those decisions, and for the provision to do what is needed.
4. for peace for my dad. Inner peace that passes understanding.
5. for peace and comfort for my mom as she watches her best friend and husband of 40 years go through this. Pray for sleep for her too, please.

Thanks yall. I will keep you posted as the week goes on.
Your prayers and thoughts are so very appreciated. Seriously, thank you.

- - - - - - - - - -

I have cried more this week than I think I ever have. It just comes out of the blue.
I have a pit in my stomach that wont go away, and am battling anxiety in every way.
We have been through loss in our life, unfortunately, but this feels different.
And even though my dad is still here, I still feel as if I am grieving because this is so awful to watch.
When I had my miscarriage, it was more just like darkness.
When we lost Parker's dad, we just had to kind of bow up and deal with it because it was so sudden and tragic.
This time, I feel like it is just plain hard. And I am just plain sad.
My heat aches.

I will leave on this note, and if you know my dad, you know this is true.
He loves his Savior. He loves that he was redeemed, and speaks of that often.
So I am choosing to believe right now, in the midst of my own sadness, that his Jesus who he loves so much, is bringing him comfort right now.
I have to believe that.

Thanks for praying y'all.