my Dad is with His Maker...

My sweet Dad moved into the Presence of his Maker yesterday.

We got to be with him in his final breaths, and he was very peaceful when he passed,

such a tremendous blessing.

I am deeply saddened, and have an almost indescribable ache in my heart...but at the same time I am so excited for my Dad right now.

He is free from his Parkinson's, Dementia, and all other sickness that has plagued him. He is FREE from the evils of this world and is walking (with perfect balance, I might add), with his Jesus.

He is getting to hold his son, whom my parents lost 39 years ago, and a sweet grandbaby too, who I miscarried 2 years ago.  What joy for him! And He is with so many other precious souls who loved him. I even imagine there may have been a giant yell practice in Heaven with all the other Aggies who have gone before him.

{holding sweet Bethany the day she was born}

There is so much on my heart to write about this beautiful, terrible, mysterious process of death and grief...and those words will come soon. But for today, just know that my family appreciates all your prayers and words of comfort during all this. My Dad has left a legacy of loving others well, and it has spread farther and wider than I ever even knew.

{holding my Abigail when she was born}

I am blown away and so proud to be his daughter.

- - - - - - - - -

many people have asked, so I thought I would share the memorial info here:

Service of Celebration and Thanksgiving for John Hopkins

Saturday, Feb 2nd at 2:00 PM

Grace Bible Church

11306 Inwood Rd, Dallas 75229.

There will not be a viewing or graveside.

My Dad's wishes were for his body to be donated to the Medical School here in Dallas,  for research on Parkinson's Disease and other illnesses. I am proud that even in his death, his heart was to better the lives of others.

several people have asked about donations in memoriam in my Dad's name. 

Memorials may be made to:

Grace Bible Church (my parent's church home)

11306 Inwood Rd

Dallas, TX 75229

or to

Parkinson Voice Project 

(this is where my Dad went to speech therapy for years, it is an incredible organization that helps so many with this terrible disease)

500 North Coit Road Suite 2085

Richardson, TX 75080

- - - - - - - - - -

Thank you all SO much.

I am humbled by the love and support.

THANK YOU JESUS...

FOR EVERLASTING LIFE.

FOR JOY INDESCRIBABLE IN YOUR PRESENCE.

FOR A BEAUTIFUL FEAST AT YOUR TABLE.

FOR LOVING MY DAD.

the hardest days of my life.

As you know from my previous posts, from however we keep up....
In the last weeks, my dad's health took a terrible turn and things have been hard.
Obviously blogging has not been on my mind right now, but today, I just needed to escape for a minute...
to write, to share, to "get it out"... even if it's just a little bit at a time.

Some of you already know, but unfortunately my dad's condition did not improve.
After much medical intervention, talks with doctors, time and prayer, his body is letting us know that he is ready to go Home to his Maker.

We brought him back home to my parent's house a week ago with full time Hospice care, where he has been resting comfortably for the most part...much more peaceful at home than in the hospital.
(someday I plan to write a post about Hospice nurses...they are truly angels on Earth. We have been so blown away at their kindness and the way they treat my dad: not as a sick person, but as a man.)

- - - - - - - - - -

Lots of y'all have asked how our family is doing...

These have been the longest, hardest days of my life so far, if I am being really honest.

I don't have to go into much detail to express to you how awful it is to see your own daddy like this.
It has made me feel like a little girl again, just wanting to be right by his side.
I have even napped next to his hospital bed because it is just hard for me to leave.

My mom is so strong (if you know her, you know that), but I see that when he is gone and the house is empty...it is going to be so hard. I am already praying for her heart in that time, and would appreciate y'alls prayers for her too.

Their sweet dog, who loves my dad so much, has made her bed underneath his hospital bed, and she won't leave. Dogs definitely sense when their owner is down. It is so sweet to watch.

My girls have been "displaced" now for over 2 weeks but are doing amazing. I mean really, I am blown away at how well they have handled things. Grace from God, truly.

- - - - - - - - - - -

how my dad is doing: 

My dad had a rough night last night, and changed markedly just overnight.
The nurses feel that he most likely has a day or two left with us here.
oh my goodness it hurts my stomach just to write that out. I cannot believe this is happening right now.

As much as I am not ready to let go, I am so ready for him to be out of this and to be in FULL freedom and peace. I cannot even imagine. I am excited for him.

as weird as it sounds, it also excites me to know that very soon, my parents bedroom is going to be FILLED with the powerful presence of God. WHEW. I cannot even imagine what that will be like.

I got a glimpse yesterday as I was sitting next to my dad resting.
I suddenly got chills all over and started shaking a little bit. not out of fear, but because there was a true presence with me, and with my Dad in that room.
I know it was the Holy Spirit. I know He is here with my Dad.

- - - - - - - - - -

The overwhelming outpouring of love shown to my dad and my family has blown. me. away.
It has been amazing to hear stories of my dad's life that I never heard, and to meet people he has spoken of from his past that I never really knew.

And every single person that has come, whether they know Jesus themselves or not, has made mention of how much they respected my dad because of his faith in Christ, and how he is such an honorable man. Everyone around him knew what a big deal his Lord was to him.
And not because he was an overly "religious" guy...but because he loved others with the love of Christ.

What a legacy.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ok im about to fall apart, so I will stop here.
Please know how loved and cared for we feel, whether you have visited, sent flowers, brought meals, or prayed...we are so appreciative.

You can just continue to pray for peace and comfort for my family, and especially for my dad.
I know that when the hour comes, he will be filled with a joy and peace we cannot understand.

Thank you, Jesus.

my heart is aching...continued prayer needed

I asked y'all last week to please pray.
(you can read that post here, to catch up on whats going on).
And I ask again today for continued prayer.

We have felt the prayers and are so so thankful for family and friends who have come around and loved on us and on my dad, and have been praying for us all.

Just wanted to update y'all.
I will try to just get out the facts before I get overly emotional and cant write this out.

- - - - - - - - - -

My dad remains about the same cognitively and physically...
very weak and pretty out of it and confused.
He does have some moments of responding to us and following commands. He even sat up in a chair the other day (with a lot of help) with the physical therapist, though it wore him out completely.

He still battles some agitation and combativeness, especially later in the day...I think he is mostly not aware when he is acting that way, but I think part of it is that he knows he is frustrated and cant express it like he wants to.

Unfortunately, we found out a few days ago that he has contracted Pneumonia. We thought we caught it quickly and it was being treated with antibiotics. But when they repeated a chest ex-ray this morning to check on it, they found another spot in his other lung.
We don't know if he caught it from being in the hospital, or from aspirating on food or saliva, which is very common in Parkinson's patients. Either way, it is not a good thing. For those of you who don't know, my dad is older, 77, and so this kind of sickness is just all the harder for him to fight off.

The major issue right now is that he is not eating. He passed a swallow study to confirm that he could swallow some soft things, but his interest and cognitive awareness to actually be able to eat, is just not there. He has had a nasal feeding tube at times throughout this stay, but is is not doing enough and giving him enough nutrition. I have been begging with God for it to not get to the point of him needing a stomach feeding tube, as that is just not a way to live.

Really, none of this is a way to live. He is not himself. Though I don't think he's really in pain, I think that he is just frustrated with feeling helpless. That kills me. just kills me.

so how you can pray:
1. for complete healing, whatever that looks like.
(my prayer has been for God to give him FULL healing, whether that is here or at home in Heaven...I do not want this life for him, of living undignified and miserable and unable to be himself. I want it to be one extreme or the other)
2. for guidance as we make decisions about his eating and nutrition, and for him to regain strength from this however that works out.
3. for a longer-term plan to just work out, if need be. For peace for my mom as she makes those decisions, and for the provision to do what is needed.
4. for peace for my dad. Inner peace that passes understanding.
5. for peace and comfort for my mom as she watches her best friend and husband of 40 years go through this. Pray for sleep for her too, please.

Thanks yall. I will keep you posted as the week goes on.
Your prayers and thoughts are so very appreciated. Seriously, thank you.

- - - - - - - - - -

I have cried more this week than I think I ever have. It just comes out of the blue.
I have a pit in my stomach that wont go away, and am battling anxiety in every way.
We have been through loss in our life, unfortunately, but this feels different.
And even though my dad is still here, I still feel as if I am grieving because this is so awful to watch.
When I had my miscarriage, it was more just like darkness.
When we lost Parker's dad, we just had to kind of bow up and deal with it because it was so sudden and tragic.
This time, I feel like it is just plain hard. And I am just plain sad.
My heat aches.

I will leave on this note, and if you know my dad, you know this is true.
He loves his Savior. He loves that he was redeemed, and speaks of that often.
So I am choosing to believe right now, in the midst of my own sadness, that his Jesus who he loves so much, is bringing him comfort right now.
I have to believe that.

Thanks for praying y'all.

Urgent prayer needed...

this is definitely not the post I was wanting to write today.
I had planned to share pics of our trip to Dallas to celebrate Bethany's birthday, and cheer our Aggies on
at the Cotton Bowl (Whoop! by the way).

While we did get to do those things, (go to the game Friday night, and have birthday cake Saturday morning),
the weekend took a different turn on Saturday night.

So here I am, asking for prayer, because I believe that the more prayers being said, the more it is felt.
And to those of you who have already been praying...we DO feel it. 
THANK you.

Long story kind of short, it appears as though my Dad's Parkinson's Disease has just taken a sudden turn and some pretty severe things have made his health decline in the past few days.
He is now in the ICU and the doctors are trying/testing everything to figure out what has happened and how to help him recover.

The main medical issues right now are that his core body temperature has been very very low (it was life-threateningly low when he arrived at the hospital on Sunday morning), and the other issue is that his blood pressure has been extremely low.
In addition to those things, he is very hard to wake, and remains in a stiff position. He is hard to understand and does not understand everything around him right now.

He started getting very weak on Saturday afternoon and evening, and by late Saturday night was not even able to move or do anything for himself. So Sunday morning, we decided to call the paramedics to take him to the hospital. When they got there, they confirmed that we had done the right thing, since his stats were so bad.

Really, since a few days after Christmas, my mom had seen a bit of a decline cognitively and physically, but in the last few days it seems to have taken a more sudden drop.
The doctors called him a "mystery" and still have no real answers as to why this happened, and why so quickly.
Parkinson's is a progressive disease, but is a gradual progression, and so to have such a sudden change is weird to us, and weird to the doctors. But we are thinking, at least as of today, that it may just be a rare, rapid episode of the disease getting worse. We just don't know.

Like I said, he is currently in the ICU, and while his temperature and blood pressure remain very low, they have risen some due to them pumping warm fluids through his blood. He remains pretty out of it.
He is now experiencing episodes of "delirium" and agitation, which has happened every time he goes into the hospital. They have him on some anti-psychotic drugs for that, but those can severely mess with the millions of Parkinsons meds he is already on. Just all pretty much scary stuff.

all that to say, we need prayer. My dad needs prayer, my mom needs prayer, my whole family needs prayer.

- - - - - - - - - -

how you can specifically pray:
1. peace for my Dad. It kills me inside to think of him feeling scared or confused, but not being able to communicate it to us right now. Pray that God would be speaking to him.
2. peace and strength for my mom. She is amazing, and amazing wife and caregiver. (you who know her know that). But she needs peace and rest.
3. that the doctors would figure some things out, that we would have clear answers.
4. for peace and wisdom as we look into making a long term plan if need be (home health, etc.)
5. that my Dad's temperature and blood pressure would be able to be regulated and steady on their own.
6. that the traumatic episodes of "psychosis" and delirium would stop.
7. that he would come out of this, that he would return to his normal.
8. that if he doesn't, God would give us supernatural peace anyways.

- - - - - - - - - -

Thanks so much. If you know me well, and know my dad, I know that this is hard to hear because he is such a precious lovable man. Please feel free to call, text or email me if you have any more questions or want better updates.

I have decided to stay in Dallas for a little while, so you can also pray for my girls as we are not at home and in our normal routine. My mother in law has been incredible and so helpful in watching the girls. (thank you, Jan).

And I have to say one more thing about my amazing husband.  He has had to do and see things this weekend that
no son-in-law should ever have to. But he has done it with grace and care and made my dad feel so peaceful, speaking words of peace and truth and comfort to him.  I am so thankful for his heart and willingness to love my family well.
(thank you, Parker.)

- - - - - - - - - -

I am so sad and overwhelmed right now, but I also know... I KNOW...that God is in control.
I really do feel His presence with me.
I am trying to choose to believe His goodness in the midst of suffering.

Thanks for believing with me.

(I will update later this week, as I can)

ONE!

Bethany Len Lowe, the littlest love of my life, my snuggle bug, my funny girl, my monkey.


(PS this pic has NO editing...she really is just that beautiful! proud mama. :)  )

You are ONE today...ONE!
I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. You continue to steal my heart day after day.

You have the best little giggle, and you love to laugh.
You love to crawl and pull up on everything, and just this week you started using your "walker" to walk all around the house. I can't believe you are already so big!
You love yogurt melts, green beans, and cheerios.
You love other people, and you love to smile.
You make the best little scrunchy-nose-face when you are happy...I can't get enough of it.

Your big sister is the most amazing entertainment ever, and you cant stand to not be around her.
She makes you smile like no one else can, which is amazing to witness.
Your sissy loves you to pieces...I can't believe she went two whole years without you in her life,
because it seems like y'all were just always with each other since the very beginning.
Abigail loves to include you (most of the time), and loves for me to tell you things on her behalf.
She used to call you Bethy Baby, and I miss that sometimes.
She adores you.

You love your daddy with all of your little self...your first words were about a month ago...
you said "Dada". (and let me tell you, you melt his heart every.single.time you say it.)
You have him wrapped around your tiny finger. You melt each other.

You love me a lot to...you love for me to be the one to cuddle or reassure you.
And I am not complaining. I love being so needed by your little heart.
I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than love on you, sweet girl. I love to comfort you and play with you.  While I truly miss nursing you, and am sad it didn't last as long as I had hoped, I love giving you a bottle. I feel so bonded to you.
You are a lot like me, strong willed but also very sensitive (sometimes a little too sensitive)
You are my girl, through and through.

I am so honored to be your mommy.
I look forward to your growing up, but I also want things to just slow down.
I love you being a tiny little baby girl.

Happy Birthday, sweet one. I hope it is filled with joy and fun!
And I pray the Lord's sweet blessings over you in Jesus' name...that He would fulfill all your heart's desires and dreams, and that you would know His heart well.

Happy 1.
I love you, Bethany.

love,
mama

- - - - - - - - - -

(come back next week to hear Bethany's birth story...)



- - - - - - - - - -

Have a great weekend!
Gig Em Aggies! (Cotton Bowl tonight, y'all)...
and Happy Birthday Bethany!!!!