no more justifying
/I am blessed. BUT...
I don't always delight in the FACT that God has blessed me,
because I am worried about what other people may think.
About their judgement, their assumptions.
And it makes me feel the need to justify what the Lord has blessed me with.
I want to tell you a story that is very personal,
but the Lord has prompted me to write about it,
and to share (just some) of my thoughts.
In the middle of one of the many times that we
had almost negative in our bank account,
Parker's dad, Steve, passed away very unexpectedly and suddenly.
I was 7 months pregnant with Abigail,
and we were living on supernatural provision from the Lord
and from those God prompted to give.
A week before Steve died, he shared with my mother-in-law
about a dream he had one night.
In the dream, he had bought me a new car for our growing family.
We did not know about this dream until after he died.
In real-life, both Parker and I still drove our cars from high school...
both hard-to-get-into, two-door cars.
We had never complained or asked anyone to help us with a new car,
but our hearts desired a bigger, easier car, to put a new baby in.
When my father-in-law passed away,
we prayed carefully as a family about how to spend the little money he had left behind.
After much prayer and leading, we felt the Lord release us
to buy the car for me and our family..that it would be what Steve would want,
and that it was the Lord's way of fulfilling our hearts desires,
even out of tragedy and loss.
But I could not be fully thankful
for a while, because of this reason . . .
Many friends and family knew the financial position we were in.
That bills were hard to pay, if they got paid at all.
That basic things were luxuries.
So we feared their judgement and assumptions
when we bought my car.
One time, we even parked it down the street for fear of friends judging us.
(I look back on that with such sadness
of the ungratefulness I feel like I showed God.)
The thing is,
we KNEW the Lord had told us to buy this car...
but because of the stronghold of what other people think,
we were unable to give God the credit
for His provision for us.
This certain situation has opened my eyes to the amount of times in my life that,
because of fear of other's acceptance or approval,
I have not been able to fully appreciate or show gratitude for the Lord's
blessings or provisions in my life. Or to give Him the glory He deserves.
I still struggle with a need to justify.
especially with material things.
If I am ever complimented on my clothes, my first response is usually to say
"oh, it was only such-and-such an amount."
or even to explain that certain material things we have were gifts,
unexptected and unasked for.
While those facts may be true,
I think God is really wanting me to know
that IT IS OKAY to relish in the blessings He gives.
and that I am worthy to receive them.
This is just a fragment of the thoughts the Lord is downloading to me
about this matter in my heart.
So I know this will be
a continued conversation with Him,
and with you.
But for now, I DO know that He wants me to be free of shame,
free of fear, free of the need for approval.
And FREE TO RECEIVE.
To recognize exactly where the blessings in my life come from.
and unless he tells me to...
free from the need to explain away His provision.
That's all I know to share for now.
I know there will be more to add on to this subject as my heart is reformed about this,
and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it too.
I am ready to be FULLY THANKFUL...
no justifications needed.
PS: come link up next Wednesday!
