on blogging and knowing me.

It's just been tough to sit down, muster the energy and focus and direction from the Lord to blog lately.
Blogging, for me, it's not my business, it's not something I make money from or use to self-promote.
It's just simply a place I have felt lead to share life.
To share anything from what we ate for dinner, to the stories of my miscarriages, to asking for prayer, to just some sweet picture of my kids.
I love sharing stuff here.
And I love the times when I know God has used my blogging to encourage others..when I get an email from a stranger or a long-ago friend who is dealing with something similar...it's pretty amazing to see the connections happen, all because I typed out a story that I didn't feel was my own to keep.

Anyways, all that to say...as much as I love to do life here, it just hasn't been a priority.
For lots of reasons...my girls are in needy stages at 2 and 4, my energies have been zapped by random things, my spiritual focuses have been on absorbing messages lately through podcasts, my hubby has needed me a lot through a tough season of demanding work and pressing into the Lord together.
So...by the time naptime or bedtime comes, I am either still focused on one of those things...or I am just done for the day.

And I go through these seasons, and I am sure some people get frustrated by that...(but thankfully, there are a TON of amazing writers out there that blog every single day, so there is no lack of things to read!)

And while yes, I would love to be more consistent in blogging...I can only do with it what God has put in front of me to do, if that makes sense.
And lately...He has had me lay it to the side.

My heart in blogging has always been to be honest and open, as HE leads.
And I just have felt I would be pushing something that wasnt there, drumming something up just to have some "content"...and that just doesnt gel with how I want to be here in my space.
I'm not saying I am against a "fluff" blog post, as some might call it, and by no means do I think people want to read super deep stuff every single time they click on a blog...but do you know what I mean?
I just want to be completely "in it" whenever I write something from my heart.
I feel like I owe that to myself, and to those who read this.

But right now, in this moment and in this week, let me share with you where I'm at.
I am feeling a pull to be vulnerable once again here, maybe even moreso than ever before.
I am feeling almost a NEED, not just a desire, to share more about who I am...what is valuable to me, my experiences, my every day ups and my every day downs. my gains and my losses.

And in addition to all that, to the heart stuff...
I feel like it's time to share more of my day to day stuff, like cooking, and kids stuff, and random things.
And about how I fail at all those things too. :)

I know I glean a lot from others when they share it and bare it ALL.
Life, y'all.

The Lord has been speaking to my heart lately about my identity.
like, a LOT about that.
And about how in my deep desire to be "known"...
I AM fully known my Him.
And that that's all that really matters.

But He is also showing me there is a time and place for others to really KNOW me too.
And that will come in His time, in His way and His places.

I don't know if this is all making sense.

I just feel such a leading, almost an overwhelming urgency to share more of me...
to share more of HIS story in me.

...and I feel like it's a new season covered with a new grace to do it.
That the energy and time will fall into place.

I honestly am looking forward to this chapter in my heart and in my blogging.
He has spoken some prophetic things to me recently that I know apply to this new season...
this "being known" season.

So my prayer would be that if you want to, you would hang with me here.
Let's get to know each other better and do this life as we should.