seeing the WHY in my dad's death...

My mom just got to come for a visit, the first since my dad passed away,

which was so great and needed, for all of us.

The girls love their Memaw and she is such an amazing grandmother to them.

We are all very blessed...

This was the first visit since my dad died almost 3 weeks ago.

I had a little breakdown a few hours before my mom got here...

I think it had just hit me that my dad would not be walking though our door with her.

I called Parker upstairs for some encouragement, and he held me as I cried,

and gently reminded me that my dad was where he was supposed to be now, 

and that we are thankful for that freedom for him.

And then the Lord started speaking to me about WHY my dad would not be coming.

The why is not just a physical reason,  like the fact that there was a death.

The WHY...

is that God wanted him Home.

That the purposes for my dad's physical presence on earth were no longer needed.

And that the Lord was ready for him to experience freedom from all disease and evil.

The WHY is that this was never actually his home.

A word Parker gave me, at the beginning of my dad's sickness and hospitalization,

was that he knew in his heart that we would see GOD'S KINDNESS in it all.

That we would experience the kind character of a loving God...

even in sickness, even in deterioration...even in death.

And as crazy as it sounds to some people...in the middle of the hardest month of my life, 

watching my dad die...

I saw it. I saw the kindness of God.

I saw the kindness in the fact that we "just happened" to be in town when this all started.

(I believe there are no coincidences with God's timing.)

I saw the kindness in my dad getting to experience Bethany's first birthday party, 

the day before he got so sick. 

I saw the kindness in the incredible staff that took care of my dad, from beginning to end.

I saw His kindness in granting me my prayer of a lucid conversation with my dad about his wishes and our difficult decisions.

I saw his kindness in my dad getting to be at their house to spend his final days.

I saw His kindness in letting my dad go Home, and not making him suffer like he was for any longer,

in the present sickness, as well as from the debilitating diseases that would have claimed all of his abilities at some point down the road.

whew. Thank you Jesus.

I really could go on and on, but,

Point is...

I saw the WHY.

It is because God is KIND. and loving. and good. and all-knowing.

It was BECAUSE of His love for my dad, that he took him Home.

While it stinks for us here right now, and while my heart will always feel sad that he is not here with us, or making a visit to our house to see the girls...

I am beginning to believe now, to really know,

that the purpose in it all is good.

Because HE is good.