@HonestToddler: Funniest. Tweeter. Ever.

Get ready to ROLL.
You need to follow "Honest Toddler" on twitter, facebook, or their blog.
It's all from the toddler-brain perspective. SO funny!!!!

It Makes me laugh every. single. day.


Get ready to literally LOL.
(these are all random tweets from @HonestToddler)

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Back tapping. Don't try to rush it. Don't lean on my crib either. Use your core.

Mommy likes to call daddy at work to talk about feelings. He loves little gestures like that.

Someone's in the bathroom. Be right back. Want to watch.

Am I mistaken or do most newborns regularly throw out gang signs? So sad. Little street babies.

We're all in makeup right now prepping for spontaneous Facebook photos of us "just hanging out."
The only caption on the photos will be "blessed."

My mama is so brave. Not many people would feel comfortable walking out of the house with their hair looking like that.

Up early. Packing. Rushing. Not sure if we're going to the beach or leaving for an international flight.

Juice, frozen fruit, & wine in the magic bullet she never made me baby food with.

Dear mama's friend. I don't have a fever. She just doesn't want to go. Don't worry, she lies to me, too.

Being carried surfboard style to the car. Overall, I'd give this trip an F-

Toddler Tip: Interrupt the bedtime story at least two times per page with questions that have nothing to do with anything.

They need to choose. Teeth or hair. We're not going to brush both daily.

Hi daddy. Hurry home. She just changed into different pajamas and Googled "how to make mojitos."

Not even noon and mama is fading. Extended blinks. Wake up, lady. We've got 6 hours to go. YAY!!! :)

Got into the pantry and helped myself to the bottom tip of several ice cream cones. Stuffed!

I'd like to see the Wonderpets show up at an actual emergency singing about teamwork.


Gummy vitamin. Feel my strength coming back. I'm ready to move forward.

Emptied a family size box of cereal on the tile. Sounded just like a cool summer rain. Mmmmm. It really is the little things in life.

I know why they call it "high" fructose. I'm so messed up right now.

"Each day I learn some more." Obviously not, Caillou. Elmo isn't even human and he's doing laps around you daily when it comes to wisdom.

Watching daddy shower. Family is more important than privacy.

Sometimes when mama says, "I can't deal with this crap," she is being literal. #diapersforlife

Why does my mom assume I want to play with every kid around my size? Do adults select friends by height?

Every single one of my childhood photos has been Instagramed making it look like I've spent my life submerged in Earl Grey.

Mommy's looking for her phone. It's hiding. :)

Miss my placenta sometimes. We were as close as Tom Hanks and that volleyball in Cast Away.

Time to enter deep sleep. My goal for the night is simple: wake up in the big bed. You know this!

Almost 4PM and we've yet to visit the park. Lowering my expectations for life.

Every time a shirt comes on or off I feel like I'm being pushed through the birth canal again. toddlerproblems

Found a boo boo from several weeks ago on my leg. Made up a new backstory and angled for a fresh band-aid. Denied.

No story tonight. Guess the 8PM primetime television lineup is more important than my growing mind.

Just saw one of my drawings in the trash. OMG. :(

Accidentally said I wanted an Awful for breakfast. Meant Waffle.
She laughed in my face and told Facebook. :(

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Hilarious, right?! Hope that made your mommy day. :)


Thanks for letting me share, Honest Toddler!!

Yall have a great weekend!