Hope in Heaven

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Abigail randomly asked me today if I remembered the fallen little bird one of her teachers had rescued from the playground a few weeks ago. It had had a broken leg and they were going to try and get it some help. I never knew the end of the story.

I told her I remembered...and then she informed me that the baby bird had gone to Heaven.

I asked her if that made her sad.
She pondered and took a deep breath.
"A little bit sad, but mainly happy."

I asked what made her happy, and her response was precious. and moving to my spirit.
"I was happy because I didn't want him to have a broken leg. 
In Heaven, he can just be whole."

// amen. amen. amen. 
Thank you Jesus for this precious reminder through my baby girl all because of a baby bird... 
we ARE whole in your presence in Heaven. No broken anything. Praise you God! //

Obviously I wanted this conversation to keep going, 
so we talked about how her Hop (my dad) is in Heaven, and she chimed in saying that she remembers her Memaw telling her that Hop was healthy now because he was in Heaven.

// another sweet reminder I needed to hear as I have missed my Dad lately. Thank you Jesus that he is literally ALIVE and fellowshipping with you and all the Saints there right now, and that he is free from sickness! //

She asked a few more incredible questions that I will share another time.
Amazingly prophetic and encouraging perceptions about Heaven that I am still stirring over.

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I stand amazed writing this out, that He has deposited such truth into this little girl.
And her unwavering obedience to listen to His spirit inside of her is so pure and innocent.
She doesn't even know that's what it is, really. 
She just trusts the peace she feels in her answers.
So untouched by the enemy at this point in her life.
Faith that is so unhindered by lies and distractions around her.
Faith from HIM alone.

// we pray that she will always air on the side of faith in her life, today and in her future. //

Faith her mama needed to hear.
The TRUTH of some huge things...

Our bodies and hearts, no matter how broken this side of Heaven....because of Jesus...
they are made WHOLE and COMPLETE and HEALED after death on Earth.

So really....death on Earth isn't death at all.

did you get that, whoever you are reading this?!
did you hear it?
THIS is not the end.
This space and this body and this life are not IT.

When you believe Him...
you KEEP LIVING.
You don't die.
You live in perfect health, perfect peace, perfect community, perfect LOVE.
Beyond perfect.

And that gives me HOPE, not just about my own day to come someday,
but to picture that my loved ones are there, in a perfect place...brings such comfort and hope.
My Dad, Parker's Dad, our three babies, Parker's godfather, all of our grandparents, friends...
they are literally living right now. 
Death did not end their lives.

"I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying "Look, God's home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:3

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died, so that you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died." 1 Thessalonians 4:13 (and keep reading on!)

So, if you are grieving, if you are dreading a coming loss, if you are just searching...
keep seeking the TRUTH of this.
Because yes, we do feel sad. We do ache in the midst of loss.
But the REALITY is?
We can have hope too.
And even be a little "happy", like Abigail was.

And that, through Jesus, we are made whole and that we do keep on living.
And that we will all live again together one day.

Be encouraged.
Have hope in this.
Hope in Him.


on blogging and knowing me.

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It's just been tough to sit down, muster the energy and focus and direction from the Lord to blog lately.
Blogging, for me, it's not my business, it's not something I make money from or use to self-promote.
It's just simply a place I have felt lead to share life.
To share anything from what we ate for dinner, to the stories of my miscarriages, to asking for prayer, to just some sweet picture of my kids.
I love sharing stuff here.
And I love the times when I know God has used my blogging to encourage others..when I get an email from a stranger or a long-ago friend who is dealing with something similar...it's pretty amazing to see the connections happen, all because I typed out a story that I didn't feel was my own to keep.

Anyways, all that to say...as much as I love to do life here, it just hasn't been a priority.
.
For lots of reasons...my girls are in needy stages at 2 and 4, my energies have been zapped by random things, my spiritual focuses have been on absorbing messages lately through podcasts, my hubby has needed me a lot through a tough season of demanding work and pressing into the Lord together.
So...by the time naptime or bedtime comes, I am either still focused on one of those things...or I am just done for the day.

And I go through these seasons, and I am sure some people get frustrated by that...(but thankfully, there are a TON of amazing writers out there that blog every single day, so there is no lack of things to read!)

And while yes, I would love to be more consistent in blogging...I can only do with it what God has put in front of me to do, if that makes sense.
And lately...He has had me lay it to the side.

My heart in blogging has always been to be honest and open, as HE leads.
And I just have felt I would be pushing something that wasnt there, drumming something up just to have some "content"...and that just doesnt gel with how I want to be here in my space.
I'm not saying I am against a "fluff" blog post, as some might call it, and by no means do I think people want to read super deep stuff every single time they click on a blog...but do you know what I mean?
I just want to be completely "in it" whenever I write something from my heart.
I feel like I owe that to myself, and to those who read this.

But right now, in this moment and in this week, let me share with you where I'm at.
I am feeling a pull to be vulnerable once again here, maybe even moreso than ever before.
I am feeling almost a NEED, not just a desire, to share more about who I am...what is valuable to me, my experiences, my every day ups and my every day downs. my gains and my losses.

And in addition to all that, to the heart stuff...
I feel like it's time to share more of my day to day stuff, like cooking, and kids stuff, and random things.
And about how I fail at all those things too. :)

I know I glean a lot from others when they share it and bare it ALL.
Life, y'all.

The Lord has been speaking to my heart lately about my identity.
like, a LOT about that.
And about how in my deep desire to be "known"...
I AM fully known my Him.
And that that's all that really matters.

But He is also showing me there is a time and place for others to really KNOW me too.
And that will come in His time, in His way and His places.

I don't know if this is all making sense.

I just feel such a leading, almost an overwhelming urgency to share more of me...
to share more of HIS story in me.

...and I feel like it's a new season covered with a new grace to do it.
That the energy and time will fall into place.

I honestly am looking forward to this chapter in my heart and in my blogging.
He has spoken some prophetic things to me recently that I know apply to this new season...
this "being known" season.

So my prayer would be that if you want to, you would hang with me here.
Let's get to know each other better and do this life as we should.


"The Wide Spectrum of Mothering"

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(this is the best pic we got of the three of us...hands in their mouths, but hey, at least we are color coordinated!)

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I saw a friend post this on Mother's Day and I thought it was so beautiful, so had to share it here. Just some meaningful words about the different mother hearts out there...I hope it will move you like it did me.


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"The Wide Spectrum of Mothering"

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you.

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you. 

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food
stains – we appreciate you. 

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we
mourn with you. 

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and
disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t
mean to make this harder than it is. 

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you.

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you. 

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit
with you. 

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you. 

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your
experience. 

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of
motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst. 

To those who have aborted children - we remember them and you on this day. 

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children - we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be. 

To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths. 

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren, yet that dream is not to be - we
grieve with you. 

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you.

To those who placed children up for adoption – we commend you for your selflessness and
remember how you hold that child in your heart. 

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate
with you .

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. 

Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have
real warriors in our midst. 
We remember you.

until 4 years ago...

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I am not the same person I was 4 years ago.

I have matured and grown in ways I didn't think I could.
Refinement in my heart has been forced on me in a loving, yet challenging way.
In a way that some days, I don't think I can handle the molding anymore....
but other days I can reflect on the day, and know that my heart and my soul are better for it.

I didn't know my heart was capable of feeling so much love, before 4 years ago.
I also didn't know my heart could break so much at the loss of love.
He has shown me His comfort in ways I didn't think I would ever even need to feel,
and it has been so hard, but so sweet.

I have learned to be okay with silly things I didn't think I could ever be okay with.
Like spit up, wiping snot with my shirt when there's no kleenex, breastfeeding with open wounds because of teething, and killing bugs myself so my little girls feel "safe".
Tantrums and strong willed personalities have pushed my limits in every way,
and I know I am the better for it.
It is rooting things out in my soul that don't need to be there...
and He is replacing those things with better stuff, like patience and grace.

Depending on God for energy has been a huge lesson.
Not just through the newborn stages and colicky babies, but through the days I am literally having circles run around me by two energetic kiddos.
And for the energy to rise before my family to pray over them and prepare for the day, which I am coming to realize makes such a difference.

I have a new respect for my mom and dad.
For the sacrifices they made, things I may never even know about.
I am thankful to be on the other end now and have a real understanding of what it takes to be a parent.

Friends have changed in this stage of life, and that's okay.
And I have learned the value of having close friends who really get me.
I never really realized just how vital it is to have my people,
the ones I can talk to about anything and everything as I navigate motherhood.
Until four years ago, I kind of just assumed good friends might never come.
And then God showed up and gave me just what I needed.

Marriage has always been used as a tool to make me a better person, as it should.
We have seen a lot in our 11 years, and been through a lot of hard, but also a lot of blessing.
When you have children, the efforts in marriage become more challenging, and much more needed.
Creativity in spending time together, and even sacrificing sleep to stay up late and catch up become a necessity sometimes.
Communication and team work are now much more important as we have a little audience.
It takes more work...but our marriage has become closer and fuller since having little ones.

And most importantly, until 4 years ago, I didn't understand God's love for me as much as I do now.
I am His child, His daughter.
I am loved and cherished and protected and taken care of and sacrifices have been make for my life.
I have an identity as a daughter that I didn't fully get until I had daughters of my own.
It is a heart-bursting realization to know He loves me even more than I love my own girls.

Until 4 years ago...life was just not as good as it is now.
Until I became a Mother, I had no idea how full my life could be.

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Happy Mother's Day!

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Here are a few blog posts that have been blessing me on this Mother's Day week, I know yall will love them too.
Dear Mom who feels like a failure by Ruth at Gracelaced
Dear Mom struggling with jealousy by Andrea at Wisdom for Her Heart
For the Mamas by Casey at The Wiegands
Dear New Mommy Self (by me)






my Half Marathon!

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I did it.
a Half-Marathon.
13.1 miles.
2 hours and 35 minutes of running.
Next to a good friend the entire race.
Knowing several other good friends were out there running it with me.
Switching between smiling and tearing up the whole time.
It truly was one of the most exhilarating things I have ever done, next to delivering my babies.

(me and Jane ran the whole race together!)

The Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon is an exceptional one.
Planned so well, so many volunteers, the BEST crowds of supporters with some amazing (and hilarious) signs shouting encouragements to their loved ones and to complete strangers, so many people running with the mission in mind...
and it does attract SO many people. This years participation of runners reached 26,000!
Yes, twenty six thousand people!
Just amazing really.



It was definitely quite the experience...lots of unexpected things that I (and everyone) had to push past and deal with and choose to put behind us.
As you may have heard from knowing me or following me, Oklahoma weather is very VERY unpredictable. And with tornado season upon us, there was lots of speculation of bad storms on race weekend. But amazingly, it all held out Saturday and even early Sunday morning when we were all up at 4:30 AM.
The gun was supposed start the race at 6:30 AM, but at around 5:30, the storms we thought we had missed came.
Like, downpoured. Hail and all.
Luckily, the group I was with was inside a friend's office building a few blocks from the start.
SO thankful for that space to stay dry and warm in.
We had the news on in there and kept hearing reports of the storms coming through.
They started postponing the race. First to 7:00, then to 7:30, then 7:45, then finally to 8:00.

They had reported that if the race did not start by 8:00 it would be cancelled due to city road closure rules.
So honestly, a lot of us were "preparing" mentally that the race would not be happening.
Muscles were getting cold again after stretching hours before.
Tummies were grumbling because everyone ate at about 5:00 AM.
The line for the potty was never-ending because of nerves.
And worst of all, the enthusiasm and mental readiness was waring off.
Just not good when you are about to do a race...especially your first one!

But they had not called it yet, so we rallied...
stretched more, peed more, and commissioned some hubbies to bring us granola bars...
and headed down to be in the corral at 8:00.
Literally right when we got in with the masses, it began to pour rain and the sky started throwing hail pellets at us.
People ran for cover again. We hid under the open lid of a dumpster, no lie.
But the announcer came on one last time and said the race would now start at 8:15.


(our fashionable dry-cleaner bags to keep us dry!)

And then it was like the Lord heard and decided to answer everyone's prayers.
In a matter of a few minutes, the sky started opening to where we could see the peeking sun.
And the clouds started to part.
And there wasn't cold rain on us anymore.
It all changed.

Then it got real.
here we are, the race is not being cancelled, my mindset must switch into running mode.
Into perseverance mode, really.
Time to listen to my music and to the voice in my head, and the Lord's voice, telling me I CAN do this.
I CAN make it through.

And you know what?
The weather was PERFECT for us Halfers.
(it got way too hot for the full marathoners though, props to them!)
It was like God was smiling down our whole run.
And it kept me smiling.




And I can say with great joy that I truly feel like I accomplished my goals.
Not just the goal of the Finish Line, but the mental and emotional goals I knew I would face as I ran.
Running a long race like that forces inner-strength and lot of reflection.

I'll write more about what i did to train/fuel/etc....and what I did to not train. haha 
Just about my journey.
But for now, I just wanted to encourage you to pick something that will have a big meaning for you, and just go for it.
It was all worth it!!




THANKS to all who encouraged me along the way.
You know who you are and I love you for it.

Here's to more finish lines together!!!

(me and Kelli, the one who got me into all this!)


(lots of the first responders who were actually there at the OKC bombing in 1995 walked the entire race. In full uniform and gear. I choked back tears every time I saw one of them.)


set goals. find friends to do it with, don't give up on it just because life gets in the way.
You really won't regret it!