i am being set free...

Words really can't explain how free I feel right now from all the influences Satan tries to take in my life.

Y'all know he is real, right?

You know he doesn't like it when we claim God's promises over our lives, right?

He is OUT to get us...he hates that we get the victory in the end, 

and will do anything and everything to take us out and take our eyes off Jesus and off our Father.

But this week...

I got delivered from some things that needed to flee back to Hell where they came from...

And I can physically feel the effects of it!

While I didn't have a disease that needed healing this time, I just feel clearer in my head.

The anxieties or different emotions that have come at me the last few years through grief and through mothering....those things took up space in my head.

And I feel like I have some of that "space" back now, if thats makes any sense

...it just feels more peaceful.

I honestly cant explain it to where you might understand.

It's just such a sweet gift from our Father who wants us to be FULLY FREE.

My desire in this last week was for Him to take me DEEPER than my bound-up mind could wander,

like the lyrics to that song say.

And He did.

I am coming away with a deeper understanding of HOW I can be free to operate with the mind of Christ, like He desires to me. And being reminded about why it is so, so vital to my life. 

(1 Corinthians 2:14-16)

I am still processing so much.

This week wasn't just a "fix" and then Im done.

I have to pursue it, and walk it out.

...and I WANT to walk it out.

It's not about a religious heart or legalistic thinking about getting in the Word and checking it off a list.

It's about what my Daddy says to me and about me.

It's a new understanding that acknowledging what the scripture says about me, about who I am...

is actually so important to my life and my health!

This week was like drinking from a fire hydrant of truth.

so. much. truth.

I can't wait to share more as it comes...

So thankful for this time.

God is so good to us!

Being bold, Our time at Be In Health so far

seriously HOW do I explain what God is doing here?
and It is only Day 2.

- - - - - - - - - -

a few days ago, Parker and I kissed our girls goodbye and flew to Georgia for the week.
We are at a conference here called Be In Health.
We came here 5 1/2 years ago, when we were in throws of desperation due to lots of physical sickness I was dealing with. The premise of the conference is learning the spiritual roots of disease.
(I have blogged about our time before...when I was delivered from fear, and healed of Fibromyalgia.)

This time, I am hearing it all in a whole new light.
We didn't come for physical healing/insights to sickness for ourselves this time,
but more for freedom from spiritual bondages that Parker and I both deal with.
I have shared before that I struggle a lot with shame, and I know that is from the enemy,
so I am believing God for some deliverance from that this week!

Parker and I both feel the Lord readying our hearts for some major deliverance and freedom this week.
While I am the first to say that one conference or one thing is not the "answer"...
and that I believe God can heal and set people free anywhere and any way He wants to...
I can't help but say that this place, these teachings, are so so good.
Like just basic, scriptural stuff that we haven't ever learned or really meditated on and walked out.
Parker and I keep saying that we want everyone we know to come to this.

Even if you don't "believe" in healing and deliverance...
I am going to be bold and say that if you really understood God's word and what He says and promises for you...
you might just rethink your position.
I myself have believed God can heal for a long time, but just being reminded of the truth in His word is reinforcing WHY I believe it.
And why I NEED it.

Sick or not, it is truth taught in such a way to learn what God says in a deeper understanding,
and learn how to truly get rid of hindrances to believing Him and taking Him at His word!!
So that in turn, the freedom and healing CAN come.

I mean, wow yall.
It is like opening your heart to a water spout of truth,
and it being just dumped into you for 8 hours a day.
So, so needed as believers.

Just a few of the things I am learning and reflecting on already (and its day 2 of 5):
-The ability to recognize my Father as my FATHER, as unconditionally loving Daddy, is so huge.
-I have a LOT to repent of. My list is a lot longer than I realized it would be!!
This includes repenting from making agreements with Satan that keep me in patterns of thought that are NOT from the Lord, that do not bring life
...like realizing how much I listen and agree with the enemy when I fear being rejected
(a long time struggle of mine).
Because that is the opposite of truth.  I am loved, accepted, and blessed as a daughter of God!
-Re-learning that repentance isn't just something to be done for outward, "obvious" sin.
But that really, we all need to be aware of things to repent for all. the. time.
Ways of thinking, agreements with the enemy, different spiritual battles we each face.
Anything not of God, that we have believed or acted on, over believing HIM.
-The fight for my attentions and affections is so real. And it is not against flesh and blood....
*this is something I think many believers forget or have never even been taught...and it's right there in scripture, plain as day.*
"For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers of this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12
-recognizing that I truly desire to be CHANGED, and not just FIXED, if that makes sense.
Like I don't just want to not be plagued by detrimental ways of thinking, and I don't want to just be totally healthy... I want my whole life to reflect the truth of God that says I was MADE for FREEDOM. And that Jesus came to set me free.

I can't wait to share more as this week unfolds and God shows up.
And just a "warning"...as I get freed up from this fear of rejection, I'm proooobably gonna be sharing things a little more boldly here!!  :)
I am praising God for that.
Praising Him that He is going to release me from that fear so I can share His heart confidently.

Can not wait to see what God does this week.
And cant wait to share it!!

- - - - - - - - - -

Thanks y'all for those sweet friends covering us in prayer this week...
and thanks for listening to my heart here!

happy August!

We've been trying to soak up all we can of summer before school starts back in a few weeks

(when my big girl starts 5 days a week PreK...tears!!!)

Hope everyone is having a great start to the last month of Summer!

(Parker and I have a big week coming up, cant wait to share more about it in the coming days...

we are off this week, sans babies, to an amazing conference in Georgia for the next 6 days! We are believing and expecting God to show up in powerful ways!! And...to top off the week, we will celebrate 11 year of marriage next Saturday, the 9th. Praise God!!!)

Yall have a great weekend....

this pregnancy so far (after loss)

Last Thursday, I hit 16 weeks of pregnancy...

and my oh my it feels like this babe is growing so quickly so fast!

I guess that's just what pregnancy after pregnancy does to your body, huh?

But I am so grateful to see my belly growing more full with life each day.

Such a physical reminder of the Lord's goodness in restoring LIFE to us.

As thankful as I am to have the pregnancy symptoms and to know all is well,

I must admit this time around seems a lot harder physically than when I carried my girls.

I am over the terrible nausea (that ended around 13 weeks), 

but totally still deal with some tummy cramping and bloating which is NO fun!

I also have been battling carpal tunnel, which I had with Bethany too.

(isn't that crazy it is so common in pregnancy?) 

Third baby...

My body is like "woah, mama".

And just started having some pretty severe Scaitic nerve pain, that starts in my butt and lower back and shoots down my leg. also NO FUN.

not every single day, but several times a week. :(

I have had several friends who had it with pregnancies but I never have before.

I'm hoping to start a pre-natal yoga class in a few weeks, so I think that will help some.

So if you happen to see me soon and I am wearing a beautiful wrist brace and limping like a penguin, just smile and give me a hug, mmmkay? 

Do I sound like I am complaining?

Because I am really not. I am really just sharing my daily ins and outs of pregnancy.

...because I have to say, if there is one thing I def AM this pregnancy, it is THANKFUL.

So very thankful for this little life growing inside, and for the weekly mile-markers that seem to just fly by right now.

I do feel like this pregnancy has flown by.

I think that is God's goodness to me, actually.

I think He knew my heart and mind needed it to feel like it was just progressing along quickly,

so that I wouldn't dwell on all the what-if's as much, and that I wouldn't be as tempted to fear another loss and feel like the weeks were just dragging on, holding my breath.

I am not going to say that it's all been free from anxiety.

I definitely still have moments where I feel something that feels "crampy" and get nervous

(when I know now it is just the normal pregnancy growing pains...it's almost like I had forgotten what normal pregnancy pains are.)

And I am still tempted to check the toilet for blood every know and then.

(I have read this is pretty common for pregnancies after a loss, so I know I'm not alone)

So I have my moments. I have my replays in my head that cause some fear of another miscarriage.

I have bad memories and a healing heart still.

but.

when I look down and see my belly getting bigger.

I am THANKFUL.

Thankful that I know He told us He would "restore" things this year, and He has held His word true.

He has demonstrated such goodness and love towards us in this pregnancy.

I will take the crazy symptoms every day to experience this fresh taste of His goodness and restoration. It's all worth it!

Pregnancy after several losses is such an opportunity to figure out JUST how much we daily need Him.

Just how much we have to depend on Him to not live in fear of being disappointed again.

A Daily Desperate Dependance, as my spiritual mentors say.

So, I stand thankful for the chance to not just know another child of mine, but to know Him more while this baby is growing in me.

Relationship with Him, and experiencing the goodness...truly is worth it.

So bring on the sciatic pain.

(kindof.)

Bethy!

...oh, the many faces of Bethany!!

I've been dying over these pics I snapped of my Bethy a few days ago...PRECIOUS, right?!!

Can you believe she is the one wearing this Big Sister shirt now?

(Abigail wore it to announce Bethany was coming!)

I've never seen such a toothy grin from my girl. :)

Hope everyone had a great weekend