famflie
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just a little family selfie for y'all today.
Happy Thursday!
freedom from a spirit of Shame
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My Father in Heaven has been speaking to me about bringing things into the light.
About letting things that are not of Him OUT of my head and soul so that the battle can be won more easily. So that He can have His way with these things that are against me, His daughter.
(I have a post sitting in my drafts about this, will share that soon)
One thing that tries to stay in the dark a lot for me is the spirit of Shame.
It's a fiesty one, I tell you.
It's a demonic stronghold in my life that clamps down so tightly on me sometimes that I feel shame for being under Shame. Crazy, I know.
So I want to repost something I shared a while back, about my struggle.
Not just because I hope that will speak to someone who might be battling the same,
but also because it has been rearing it's ugly head again lately and I am here to expose the enemy and pour light and goodness and hope through Jesus in it's place.
Thanks for reading, yall.
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(from this post, 2 years ago...)
no joke, when i finally sat down to write this post, I fell asleep with the computer on my lap and had a dream about the very thing I sat down to write about.
And not a good dream...a difficult one, stirring up the emotion and angst of this very issue.
It's something I have just realized in the last year or so that I live with on a daily basis,
but it is also something I am just now realizing that I can have freedom from.
SHAME.
If I had had that dream several months ago, I would have woken and continued to live under that shame, and would have been completely discouraged to write about it.
But now, NOW...I am learning to see it for what it is: a plot of my enemy to steal, kill, and destroy the freedom that is mine in Jesus.
And I'm in a battle against it now.
No more standing on the sidelines and accepting living with shame as a way to live.
That is NOT living, people.
I will do my best here to explain this thing I deal with, in hopes that I could encourage.
(and also in hopes that I can make sense, in words, of this issue so deep in my heart).
I'm not referring here to the kind of shame you would normally think of when you hear that word...like "oh I did such and such, I should be ashamed of that" or "I sinned, I must live in shame now"
My personal battle is a MINDSET.
It has been this consuming, draining, WRONG way of thinking for so long.
To the point where I am justifying TO MYSELF (how off is that?) about what I am doing or the choices I am making.
And I'm not talking about bad, unhealthy choices...I am talking about everything, good things, blessings even.
As I begin this battle and journey of working through this, I have yet to discover exactly where it came from or started, and it may very well be just a generational sin that was passed to me, and that needs to end with me.
But one thing I do know: it HAS to end. Has to.
It is so binding to live like you have to justify what you are doing all the time.
Gosh I feel like Im probably not making sense here, but Ill try to give an example...
Like when Abigail was littler and I would walk her in the stroller, several neighbors would park to where I could not go down the side walk, but had to walk in the street.
Here's what Shame would tell me: "you are walking your baby in the street? you need to have an answer for people who judge your decision. You need to tell them that because your neighbors parked covering the sidewalk, that is why you were walking your baby on the street, because you are clearly not being safe and that must make you a bad mom."
Funny thing is, NOBODY ever asked me that, or probably even cared!!
It was all in my head.
or
Parker tells me he'd really like to have a different kind of meat for dinner sometime...and my mind IMMEDIATELY goes to "oh man I should've known to do something different than what I always do for dinner. Poor guy. I'm such a bad wife."
And then it usually turns into some victim mentality moping, as I hang my head under the heaviness of shame.
And all sweet Parker was trying to tell me was that he has seen some new chicken at the store, and would like to try it if I ever wanted to.
I didn't even let him explain or get to that point because I was already living under this mindset of shame!!!
or
looking at the blessings, the provision, even the amazing children HE has given us, and feeling the need to justify them. (I've written about this in the past, before I really realized it was all connected to shame). Fact is, we should NEVER feel a need to justify the blessings God has given, no matter if others actually are judging or if we are judging ourselves.
OK I seriously don't know if this is making sense to anyone, but thats ok, because it is freeing me up just to write it out, praise the Lord.
After the dream I just had tonight, I went and woke up Parker to pray over me because I knew I needed support. He told me he himself had been battling the spirit of shame all day too..so i just KNEW this was an attack against us.
As we prayed, we asked Him something that I think is crucial for me in this battle...
to give us ASSURANCE that He is SO confident in us, in our abilities, in our roles, in our decisions...that we would hear ONLY His voice of LOVE and TRUST, and that all other voices of shame, doubt, justification would be drowned out.
I am still working through all this, and maybe this post will be a "part one" for me.
I DONT have the answer for battling this daily, and I don't know if this even resonated with anyone, but I DO know I want and need to be victorious in this battle against shame.
Since I wrote and posted this last night: I really think He is trying to speak to me that the main answer for me not living in shame is to recognize my TRUE identity as His child...to relish in that, to walk in that, to BELIEVE that in the day to day. If I truly know WHO I AM, then when the lies come about me....I can combat them and tell them to go back where they came from! amen?! **
- - - - - - - - - -
If you are dealing with any kind of shame today, please let me pray for you!
(just comment or email me, I am serious.)
Let's encourage each other in this.
Let's remember because we are children of God, we are made to be in the light and not in bondage.
We are made to be FREE!
riceless rosemary risotto (gluten-free)
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THIS is so good. y'all.
I saw it being made on Dr. Oz one day a while back.
(Yeah, it must've been nap time or something and I was trying to find another Doc besides McStuffins to watch.)
The recipe comes from this awesome blog. I love all her recipes, check her out!
It's so so easy and really yummy. I like it on it's own or as a side dish to some chicken or even steak pieces. There's really lots of winning things about this dish, in my opinion.
1. it cooks in the MICROWAVE. yes, it does.
2. my kids love it.
3. Rosemary. enough said for me.
4. did I say it cooks in the microwave?
5. it's gluten-free.
SOLD!
you need:
1 cup quick cooking old fashioned oats
2 cups low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
1 1/2 cups frozen peas
2 TBSP low fat (or fat free) cream cheese
1 TBSP rosemary (I didn't have fresh but it'd be so good if it was!)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
In a large microwaveable bowl, mix together the broth and the oats.
Cook between 3-4 minutes depending on your microwave's strength.
Take it out and stir.
While out, mix the peas and cream cheese in.
Then put the bowl back in for another 3-4 minutes, watching to make sure your oats dont boil over.
Get them to the thickness you like your oats.
Take it out and stir in the rosemary, salt and pepper.
and WALA! (is that how you spell that?)
You have a yummy dish done in like 10 minutes total.
ENJOY!
- - - - - - - - - -
I haven't shared a recipe in a while, but I really am wanting to get back into that.
I feel like it helps me branch out my cooking a little more, try new things, and get new ideas of what works for my family. SO I plan to start
Wanna join me?
If you have a recipe you would love to share, let me know and I'd love to have you guest post with it!
here's to a good week ahead!
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Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!
Here's to a new week ahead filled with fresh revelation and encouragement from the Lord!
Make a choice to believe His goodness towards you this week.
It is His nature to love you well...
so let Him!
Hope Spoken : God showed up
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I can't even, I don't even know...how to start about this last weekend.
Hope Spoken wasn't just a good conference. It wasn't a "blogging thing", it wasn't a women's retreat, It wasn't a place to hear good speakers and take pictures with friends.
It was a place God showed up.
His presence fell and His Spirit got the attention of many women there.
Women who, like me, needed a fresh taste of His goodness.
Amidst all the beautiful women and beautiful stories of God's redemtion and power and grace,
the most beautiful part for me, was seeing women open up and share their stories.
THEIR stories. THEIR souls. THEIR heartaches, THEIR fears. THEIR lives.
THEIR encounters with the goodness of God.
I think a lot of times we can so easily think that other people, "bigger" people than us, have stories that matter more that our own.
NOT true.
It's easy to think that amazing author or that "big" blogger has a story and a life testimony that matter more than ours.
YOUR story matters. Anything and everything you have been through...it's valuable.
And what I saw happening all around me at Hope Spoken, was women opening up and telling their own stories, because when God's presence comes, it creates a space to be real and comfortable.
(that's my tribe, my girls I can't do life without. We all got to be together, which made the weekend even better)
Not only were the decorations and goodies sheer perfection (though I did not get a macaroon! tear.), the community building aspect to the weekend's flow was perfect. The way it was set up and run and scheduled was so good. The speakers were awesome. The worship leaders were wonderful. The small group aspect was perfect.
Danielle, Casey and Emily left no detail undone and I am so amazed how the weekend went, especially it being the very first one. Those ladies should be so proud of themselves for following their dream and seeing it come to life so beautifully
God showed up in all the details.
I had the honor to lead a small group throughout the weekend, and I could not have asked for a better one. The openness, the tears, the loving spirits shared between all these women who had all just met was really inspiring. God showed up...kindof the theme here, right?
I was humbled to hear different stories and to hear these women encourage each other.
I actually had things in my head to say for each session, but the Lord always just took over...which is really exactly what I prayed would happen. His agenda, not my own.
And things the women shared? I needed.
I needed to hear other people's stories.
And I came away with a love for these new friends, which is awesome
(love you ladies, miss you!)
- - - - - - - - - -
The reason I started this blog was because after our first miscarriage, I needed a place to tell my story. I needed an outlet to help me process, to just "put it out there".
(I think a lot of bloggers can relate to this).
And so I did.
And then I realized how much it helped me, and even connected me with others who were going through the same.
My point is...through that inner-hurting need and desire to be heard, I gained life.
Through sharing my loss, I gained life.
And through continuing to share my story here...I have gained SO much life.
So my encouragement to you?
Find a place to share your story.
Seek it out. If you don't have people you feel safe sharing with, then journal in some way.
I promise you...you need to tell your story.
And I can promise you this too...someone else needs to hear your story.
- - - - - - - - - -
I will share more about Hope Spoken next week, but just wanted to say all this for now.
Also, here are a few pics of the weekend!
*Tickets for next years conference go on sale soon. Last weekend of March 2015 in Dallas! Please consider going! Ill keep you posted here ab it all!*
Hope Spoken wasn't just a good conference. It wasn't a "blogging thing", it wasn't a women's retreat, It wasn't a place to hear good speakers and take pictures with friends.
It was a place God showed up.
His presence fell and His Spirit got the attention of many women there.
Women who, like me, needed a fresh taste of His goodness.
Amidst all the beautiful women and beautiful stories of God's redemtion and power and grace,
the most beautiful part for me, was seeing women open up and share their stories.
THEIR stories. THEIR souls. THEIR heartaches, THEIR fears. THEIR lives.
THEIR encounters with the goodness of God.
I think a lot of times we can so easily think that other people, "bigger" people than us, have stories that matter more that our own.
NOT true.
It's easy to think that amazing author or that "big" blogger has a story and a life testimony that matter more than ours.
YOUR story matters. Anything and everything you have been through...it's valuable.
And what I saw happening all around me at Hope Spoken, was women opening up and telling their own stories, because when God's presence comes, it creates a space to be real and comfortable.
(that's my tribe, my girls I can't do life without. We all got to be together, which made the weekend even better)
Not only were the decorations and goodies sheer perfection (though I did not get a macaroon! tear.), the community building aspect to the weekend's flow was perfect. The way it was set up and run and scheduled was so good. The speakers were awesome. The worship leaders were wonderful. The small group aspect was perfect.
Danielle, Casey and Emily left no detail undone and I am so amazed how the weekend went, especially it being the very first one. Those ladies should be so proud of themselves for following their dream and seeing it come to life so beautifully
God showed up in all the details.
I had the honor to lead a small group throughout the weekend, and I could not have asked for a better one. The openness, the tears, the loving spirits shared between all these women who had all just met was really inspiring. God showed up...kindof the theme here, right?
I was humbled to hear different stories and to hear these women encourage each other.
I actually had things in my head to say for each session, but the Lord always just took over...which is really exactly what I prayed would happen. His agenda, not my own.
And things the women shared? I needed.
I needed to hear other people's stories.
And I came away with a love for these new friends, which is awesome
(love you ladies, miss you!)
- - - - - - - - - -
The reason I started this blog was because after our first miscarriage, I needed a place to tell my story. I needed an outlet to help me process, to just "put it out there".
(I think a lot of bloggers can relate to this).
And so I did.
And then I realized how much it helped me, and even connected me with others who were going through the same.
My point is...through that inner-hurting need and desire to be heard, I gained life.
Through sharing my loss, I gained life.
And through continuing to share my story here...I have gained SO much life.
So my encouragement to you?
Find a place to share your story.
Seek it out. If you don't have people you feel safe sharing with, then journal in some way.
I promise you...you need to tell your story.
And I can promise you this too...someone else needs to hear your story.
- - - - - - - - - -
I will share more about Hope Spoken next week, but just wanted to say all this for now.
Also, here are a few pics of the weekend!
*Tickets for next years conference go on sale soon. Last weekend of March 2015 in Dallas! Please consider going! Ill keep you posted here ab it all!*
