this pregnancy so far (after loss)

Last Thursday, I hit 16 weeks of pregnancy...

and my oh my it feels like this babe is growing so quickly so fast!

I guess that's just what pregnancy after pregnancy does to your body, huh?

But I am so grateful to see my belly growing more full with life each day.

Such a physical reminder of the Lord's goodness in restoring LIFE to us.

As thankful as I am to have the pregnancy symptoms and to know all is well,

I must admit this time around seems a lot harder physically than when I carried my girls.

I am over the terrible nausea (that ended around 13 weeks), 

but totally still deal with some tummy cramping and bloating which is NO fun!

I also have been battling carpal tunnel, which I had with Bethany too.

(isn't that crazy it is so common in pregnancy?) 

Third baby...

My body is like "woah, mama".

And just started having some pretty severe Scaitic nerve pain, that starts in my butt and lower back and shoots down my leg. also NO FUN.

not every single day, but several times a week. :(

I have had several friends who had it with pregnancies but I never have before.

I'm hoping to start a pre-natal yoga class in a few weeks, so I think that will help some.

So if you happen to see me soon and I am wearing a beautiful wrist brace and limping like a penguin, just smile and give me a hug, mmmkay? 

Do I sound like I am complaining?

Because I am really not. I am really just sharing my daily ins and outs of pregnancy.

...because I have to say, if there is one thing I def AM this pregnancy, it is THANKFUL.

So very thankful for this little life growing inside, and for the weekly mile-markers that seem to just fly by right now.

I do feel like this pregnancy has flown by.

I think that is God's goodness to me, actually.

I think He knew my heart and mind needed it to feel like it was just progressing along quickly,

so that I wouldn't dwell on all the what-if's as much, and that I wouldn't be as tempted to fear another loss and feel like the weeks were just dragging on, holding my breath.

I am not going to say that it's all been free from anxiety.

I definitely still have moments where I feel something that feels "crampy" and get nervous

(when I know now it is just the normal pregnancy growing pains...it's almost like I had forgotten what normal pregnancy pains are.)

And I am still tempted to check the toilet for blood every know and then.

(I have read this is pretty common for pregnancies after a loss, so I know I'm not alone)

So I have my moments. I have my replays in my head that cause some fear of another miscarriage.

I have bad memories and a healing heart still.

but.

when I look down and see my belly getting bigger.

I am THANKFUL.

Thankful that I know He told us He would "restore" things this year, and He has held His word true.

He has demonstrated such goodness and love towards us in this pregnancy.

I will take the crazy symptoms every day to experience this fresh taste of His goodness and restoration. It's all worth it!

Pregnancy after several losses is such an opportunity to figure out JUST how much we daily need Him.

Just how much we have to depend on Him to not live in fear of being disappointed again.

A Daily Desperate Dependance, as my spiritual mentors say.

So, I stand thankful for the chance to not just know another child of mine, but to know Him more while this baby is growing in me.

Relationship with Him, and experiencing the goodness...truly is worth it.

So bring on the sciatic pain.

(kindof.)