I really can't. Oh wait, yes I can.

I've been having one of those kindof roller coaster weeks, going back and forth between feeling like "i can" and "i can't".

So many things to get done, people to see, things to take places, gifts to buy, gifts to mail, house to clean, parties to plan, meals to cook, bills to pay, dr's appointments, school Christmas programs, laundry to fold (a huge pile is staring at me as I write)...and the list goes on and on. Daily.
You know how it goes, right?
It just seems to keep coming and coming sometimes.

And that's not to mention all the things I really WANT to be doing. Like doing cute Christmas crafts with Abigail, reading the Christmas story to her over and over, spending extra time loving on my husband, working out (hmm, I've missed you, Gym), having quiet "me" time, etc. Oh, and sleep.

So this week I have found myself throwing my hands up a few times and just being like "I CAN'T do all this."  Then the enemy comes in and throws Shame in my face. "You are a stay at home mom...I can't believe you can't get all this done. You are so spoiled."

woah. Have any of you heard that one before? For me, it kind of takes the wind out of my sails...which in turn, just perpetuates the cycle of feeling like "I can't." (hmm, that's a whole other post)

So then, in my own fleshly efforts to make up for hearing shame and feeling "behind", I find myself frantically trying to make things work, make things happen, check things off my long list.

And you know what? I DO actually get things done. I get those errands run, I cook the meals, I send the gifts. I may even do a Pinteresty Christmas project with my little girl. (just go ahead and pat me on the back. I'm such a good mama.)
ahem. that was sarcasm in case you didnt get it.

And while it's helpful to be feeling like "I CAN" versus "I can't"...at some point, after I have exhausted myself, and set the town on fire in my five hours alone while the girls are at MDO...

I crash.

And then it starts all over with the I can'ts.

But this morning, something woke me up at 4:50 AM, and I was not able to fall back asleep, because my mind was running through my list again. So after an hour of tormenting myself trying to sleep, I finally just got up and came downstairs. My plan was "well, I'm up before the sun, I may as well start getting stuff done..."

But the Lord has had different plans for me this morning.  Just to help me wake up, I put on some music, and intended to tackle this giant load of laundry (remember, that one staring at me right now?)

The first thing that came on was "Our Secret Place", an oldie but goodie worship song from Christy Nockles.
In the song, she is asking the Lord to draw near, to come close to me in our secret place.

(Hmm, I just have to wonder if maybe the crack of dawn this morning was a "set up" to get me in a quiet place with Him. With my heart.)

part of the words of the song...
"There is no more to DO, there is no more to SAY...Come close to me..."

- - - - - - - - - -

OK i hear you Lord.
I heard Him.
I felt His presence, His desire for me to just be with Him this morning.

HIS ability to help me do what He has placed before me to do today, whatever that may be, whether it is on my "ever-important list" or not. HE is able. He is wanting to give me strength today.

So for now, I am living in the "I can" AND the "I can't", with the help of someone a lot more capable than me. I want to do what He's put before me to do...but I also want to remember He is the One who even gave me this day to begin with, so when I feel like I can't do it all...He will give me what I need in the moment I need it.

My word to you this morning is that you would remember the same. That his abilities really are a lot better than your own, and that's okay.

Strength and blessings to you today, friends.