My July 10th Story
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OUR THIRD MISCARRIAGE (7 years ago today)
Above is the link to my original sharing of this part of my story. If you want to read it, feel free. If you need to reach out because you are going through heartache with miscarriage, feel free. Id love to connect, and I truly mean that.
(Instagram post from today, July 10 2020)
I woke up forgetting in my brain what today was. But I think my body and heart have been telling me the last few days.
Today is July 10. It’s a day that is a huge part of my story, and a major part of the undealt-with trauma that I am currently seeking help for. (And so so glad I am).
7 years ago (which btw 7 means something to me so I am believing that THIS is the year I finally press in and do the hard work of actually grieving more fully and exploring all that goes with that)...
but 7 years ago today, I went into “labor” with a sweet little one who was just about 11 belly-weeks old. We had seen it’s tiny body and heard it’s precious heartbeat. And were so happy to be pregnant again, just a few months after the loss of my dad and a second miscarriage. (Yeah, 2013 was terrible).
But God had different plans. And while I’m okay with that now because I know I will never understand all His ways, but that He still loves me...I’m realizing now how much trauma my body and mind have clung onto from those losses - especially that very painful and traumatic one.
Trauma can be stored in our body. Did you know that? So it finally hit me this morning that the random physical cramping and the heightened anxiety the last few days have been my body remembering. I truly believe our cells remember. And that can affect so much if left undone.
So this is the year I will pursue healing for my July 10 day. This is the time I will use all that I have - prayer, counseling, oils - to help me process and become free from the heartache. Will it ever go fully away? No I don’t think so. But can I live more healed? 1000% yes.
I share this to say...if you have been through miscarriage or loss, know that you aren’t alone. Know that this IS a process. Know that there is no “right” way or amount of time to grieve. But also know that there is healing from Jesus for your hurting heart. I don’t understand a lot going on in the world right now, but I do understand that. 💕
