that still, quiet, cuddled up, sleeping little baby is the most precious thing, right?
ahhh. i love those moments and those days.
BUT.
If you have ever had a baby with "colic", then you yearn for more moments like those.
Your heart can almost just ache with the longing for a quiet, peaceful baby in your arms.
I have BEEN THERE, Mamas.
And now that I am on the other side of it (after round 2 with #2!),
I feel like I can share my story about it.
Hopefully it will help some of you who are going through it or might in the future.
My main encouragement to you:
This WILL pass. You WILL get through it.
You are NOT a bad mother. You baby DOES not hate you.
You are NOT alone.
And lastly, but one i feel is most important to hear for these mamas:
There is NO shame in going through this. NONE.
Though I am one of those moms who fell in love instantly with both my babies and was completely in Heaven to become a mother,
the angelic moments (like pictured below!), were something I longed for more of at the beginning.
And for those of you who haven't dealt with this, or don't know what colic is,
it is basically described as "unexplained crying for an unknown reason".
(more crying than just a typical newborn)
Some say it is due to gas, which actually proved to be partly true in our case, or over-stimulation.
It can last anywhere from a few weeks to many months.
It ended right around 3 months for both my girls.
To sum it up...it just means that your sweet new baby cries a lot.
A. LOT.
And that it is very difficult for them to be consoled or comforted, no matter what you do.
If you have ever held a baby, your own or someone elses', and felt helpless as they cried in your arms...THAT is what being a Mommy to a "colicky" baby is, all the time.
{we spent a lot of time swaddled in our house...it helped both my girls}
Let me touch on the "no shame" part of my encouragement about this.
And again, this is just MY experience, but I am betting that a few other mamas have dealt with the same. And the few who I have connected with about this have related.
So let's work through this together, ok? We need each other yall.
When I was pregnant with my first, and was the ever-diligent mother-to-be, reading all the books, talking to other mothers, taking the classes, etc, to prepare (ha!)...
I remember learning about "Colic". All I remember was getting the sense that this was NOT something I wanted to deal with with my baby.
The main reason I felt this way was because it seemed to be portrayed as a SHAMEFUL thing to have a baby with colic.
And to make matters worse, it always seems like there was never any clear definition or explanation of why "colic" happens...which adds to the sense mothers get that makes them feel like "it must just be me" or "it must just be MY baby".
That is a breeding ground for all kinds of lies about your role as a mother.
With Abigail I did not tell ANYone what I was going through with her.
{big mistake.} I didn't even want my parents or mother-in-law to know.
Because I had been taught and made to feel that it was a shameful thing...and I in NO way wanted people to think less of my beautiful baby, or of me as a mother.
But with Bethany, I was a lot more open about it, and that was so much more helpful.
To realize other people have been through it, are going through it now...was encouraging.
I even felt like I got closer to my mother-in-law because she would encourage me through it, letting me know that Parker was "colicky" for a long time too. (go figure!)
It was helpful for me to let people know that I was tired, and felt helpless sometimes, and that sometimes all I wanted to do was cry while she was crying. (and I did.)
{running bath water was the biggest help...it helped calmed us all.
I don't know how much time we spent in the bathroom.
Just know that you would not want to pay my water bill after I have newborn!}
The gist of me writing this is to tell you, if you are dealing with a colicky baby, that you WILL get through this ("this too shall pass")!
You will not always feel like your head might explode if you have to endure one more hour of crying.
You will not always feel like you cannot go anywhere without your baby crying all the time.
You will not always feel like you are hurting your baby.
It WILL get better. Your baby DOES love you!!
And honestly, you will become more dependent on your Heavenly Father as you push through this difficult time...and it might just be worth it.
I definitely don't have the answers, but I would love to offer some practicals that helped us through this time. Some things helped Abigail that did not help Bethany,
and sometimes NOTHING worked at all.
That said,
here's my (unsolicited) tips for dealing with a colicky baby:
*swaddle!!
(even if it seems your newborn doesn't like it...they most likely do, just be patient.)
*paci's
*running bath water
(and not until month 2 did I think "why am I not just getting in the bath while it's running?! ha!)
*baths for baby
*bumping their bottom, harder than you would think
*bouncing on a big yoga ball
(I literally bounced for HOURS with Abigail)
*car rides
*sound machines
(and I have an awesome sound app on my phone to take anywhere!)
* wear your baby
(slings or Mobys or a Boba, my fav, are all awesome)
*gas drops, Gripe Water, or colic tablets from your natural grocery store
(all of those seemed to help some...I was religious about giving them)
*sleep for YOU.
(it's even more serious to get your rest when the baby does, when your waking hours are so tiring from the crying)
*sometimes you may need to just let them cry for a little bit, even put in some earphones...just to keep your sanity.
** and to the friends of those mamas who are going through this,
please don't portray that you feel sorry for them in a shameful way..that will not help.**
The epitome of being a Mommy of a colicky baby?
Emotionally eating an entire can of Pringles while bumping the bottom of my swaddled baby while sitting next to the running bath water.
haha. just threw that one in there to make you smile. :) no, but really.
SO, I guess I just want you to know that you are not alone.
When you feel like in your head that you can't take it anymore,
or when your friends appear to have perfect, calm babies, or when your husband is exhausted from the crying and you feel bad because he has to work the next day, or when you feel like this will never end...it WILL. You won't go crazy. I promise.
And you are not a bad mother for feeling frustrated with your colicky baby.
And when the end of this season comes,
you will look back and think " wow, I made it through that"
And in my opinion, you will be a better mom because of it.
It will make you cherish the calm, snuggly moments even more.
It will create a bond with your baby that only you can know.
And hopefully create a bond with God that will cause you to rely on Him in a new way.
If you are reading this, and you are listening to your baby cry and cry right now,
or if you have a baby in a few months and go through this, please hear me when I tell you:
YOU are an amazing Mama.
Your BABY is amazing.
You are doing a great job, even though it feels helpless.
This WILL end.
also...I am with you.
Please, please don't hesitate to reach out to me or other mommies if you need an ear or a shoulder. Lots of mothers keep this issue very private, but I really believe we can encourage each other in this.
Here's to our beautiful babies...
